tis een tijdje geleden dat ik geblogd eb, zie hier voornamelijk jou blogposts liefje, maar was het uit het oog verloren, kwou eigluk gewoon zeggen, dat alles dus achteraf in orde is geraakt. Dit gezegd zijnde, zou ik beter wat meer info geven :) Weetjewel die keer dat ik je vertelde met horten en stoten dat ik ermee inzat dat mijn beste vriend verliefd op me was, terwijl ik een lief had? wel, mijn intuïtie laat mij niet in de steek ;) Toen mijn toenmalige vriend vertrok op reis, en ikzelf naar Italie ging, voelde ik al voor vertrek dat het niet lang meer zou duren, (alweer die intuïtie!) terugkerende merkte ik dat ik me niet meer goed voelde, want ik had grotendeels van de reis doorgebracht op de schoot van mijn beste vriend, en hoewel ik daar geen bijbedoelingen bij had, wou ik toch wat meer duidelijkheid. Gelukkig kreeg ik vlug die duidelijkheid, want mijn vriendje gedraagde zich niet al te best op reis, integendeel :) ik weet nog dat ik wegens tijdverschil soms snachts mijn wekker zette om te chatten, gewoon om afgeblaft te worden hoe fantastisch het daar was en hoe graag hij daar wou blijven. Achteraf hoorde ik dat dit waarschijnlijk een jaloerse reactie was op wat ik 'gedaan' had op skireis, maar ik verdiende beter. Toen hij terug was van reis zijn we nog welgeteld 24 h samen gebleven en ik moet toegeven, niet mijn finest moment, ben nog nooit in mijn leven zo boos geweest. terwijl ik normaal bijhoorlijk rustig dingen kan uitpraten was ik nu razend, misschien omdat het laatste deeltje van mij hoopte dat het nog goed zou komen, uit gemakzucht, het is immers gemakkelijker om bij iemand te blijven die je nog wel graag ziet maar niet meer verliefd op bent, dan er een punt achter te zetten. Dit laatste gebeurde toch. En hierna begon een periode van fake-happy op school en ellendig thuis, je moet me trouwens nog steeds credit geven, want NIEMAND kan zo goed mensen of pijnlijke gesprekken ontwijken als ik. Weet niet goed of dat een talent is, maar bon. mijn nieuwe vriend was er toen al voor me, en jawel lot, je dacht toen dat hij me een beetje teveel troostte, maar geen van ons beiden zag het al zitten om samen te zijn. Ik wou absoluut mijn ex niet boos maken toen, wat me nog steeds hilariteit opwekt aangezien hij om de haverklap 'bekte' (zoek daar maar eens een oostvlaams woord voor ;)) met meisjes waarvan je zelf zou zeggen, 'auwtch' ik vertel je dit niet om hem in een slecht daglicht te plaatsen, jullie zijn nooit de beste vriendjes geweest. Ik vertel je dit opdat je zou begrijpen hoe het in godsnaam mogelijk is dat ik nu samen ben met 'de beste vriend'. wel, het antwoord is eiglijk verdacht simpel, hij is een paar keer komen zwemmen, films kijken, samen uitgaan... Maar dan leuker dan met vrienden, we hielden allebei van de spanning, en hoe belachlijk het ook mag klinken, op school was het toen zalig, aangezien wij de enige twee waren die hiervan wisten. Omdat we beiden onze vrienden, mijn ex, etc. niet wouden boosmaken liep dit een beetje uit de hand qua tijd, maar in de vakantie stond hij plots aan mijn deur met een bloem (een roos, scoooore ;) ) en zei dat hij niet langer kon wachten, dat hij me een maand had moeten missen en dat niet nog eens van plan was. De details van onze relatie vertel ik je de volgende keer dat je langsspringt, you will be bloooooooown away ;)
I said I moved on, i lied i said i don't care anymore, i lied i said i'm happy, i lied i said i don't miss you, i lied i said i gave my heart to someone else, i lied i said i only speak to you when i'm bored, but in my heart ache every time i see your name on my screen, so i lied. i said i want you to be happy with her, i lied, i don't want you to be happy with her, i want you to miss me so hard that you do everything to get me back. and you were so stupid to believe all the things i said. You know me, at least you did knew me. I grave for your love, every day again. I miss you so bad that I see your face every time i close me eyes. I just want you to hold me again. I wish all our magic back. I want a fairy to make it all okay, to turn back time and change one little thing, and we will have our happily ever after. You and me, we are magic, at least, we used to be.
There's not much to talk about, we grew apart, he stopped laughing his much, he stopped carring his much. There was a time when I loved it that he was sitting next to me but he hasn't been that guy for a while. We were really great together but one day we weren't. And I know there must be a big hug reason why, but there's not. There's just that feeling that this isn't want I want for the rest of my life. People have the right to change, but they also have the right to stay the same. They have a right to be exactly the person that they've always been. I didn't changed, he did, and somehow I'm the one who's broken because of it.
There's not much to talk about, we grew apart, he stopped laughing his much, he stopped carring his much. There was a time when I loved it that he was sitting next to me but he hasn't been that guy for a while. We were really great together but one day we weren't. And I know there must be a big hug reason why, but there's not. There's just that feeling that this isn't want I want for the rest of my life. People have the right to change, but they also have the right to stay the same. They have a right to be exactly the person that they've always been. I didn't changed, he did, and somehow I'm the one who's broken because of it.
I miss you, I miss the sound of your voice in my ears, i miss the way you shake in my arms when you laugh, i miss the way your smile just brightens up my day, my world. i miss the way you make me feel, no one could ever make me feel the way you do. I feel complete, i feel so happy and yet almost scared, i feel excited and overwhelmed, i feel so many things that its hard to describe, sometimes it makes me stumble over my words i miss the way you are. i miss everything you say, everything you do makes me smile and laugh. i miss the way you look at me, i just kinda lose myself in your eyes, they are so beautiful. i miss us. i miss holding you in my arms. i miss being stupid with you. i miss listening to music with you whether i like it or not whether you like it or not. i miss holding your hands. i miss going on walks. i miss watching tv over the phone together. i miss the feeling of your lips on mine i miss slow dancing with you. i miss walking you home. i miss holding your hand untill you fell asleep. i miss being with you. i miss you.
kben het eventjes beu om in het engels te schrijven want soms kan ik mij er niet zo goed in uiten, wel hier komt dus eens een nederlandse blog.
3 weken geleden stortte heel mijn wereld in, alleja, dat dacht ik toch. Alles waar ik in geloofde bleek een leugen te zijn. En ik was zo teleurgesteld en kapot. Ja, je kunt het misschien geloven of niet. Mijn liefje had me laten zitten. Hoe belachelijk het ook klinkt, i was a mess. Hij wist alles over mij. maar echt alles, ie had heel mijn leven in zijn handen. ie had mijn soort van dagboek mogen lezen, dat echt top secret is voor IEDEREEN; & ie heeft het gewoon tegen mij gebruikt. De week voor de vakantie was ook verschrikkelijk, ik was bijna dood omdat een familielid mij probeerde te vermoorden en ik had echt mijn liefje nodig, maar als ik het hem zei geloofde hij me niet ens. ik was een emotioneel wrak. maar echt een wrak, ik had geen zin meer in alles. Gelukkig heb ik heel wat steun gehad en was ik zeker van plan deze vakantie goed te starten, ik ging het geweldig maken. Ik ging de zaterdag met een vriend weg en ging 's avonds uit. hij had het lef om er ook te zijn, ookal was het 33 kilometer van zijn deur. hij staarde, maar echt staarde met zijn mond open als hij mij zag binnenkomen al lachend met een vriendin & met de belachelijke movekes erbij. ik had er natuurlijk voor gezorgd dat ik er geweldig uitzag. ik ging ergens staan met mijn vrienden & hij achtervolgde me steeds, elke plaats waar ik stond, stond hij. Ik heb hem natuurlijk serieus uitgedaagd, wat verwacht je ook? hij vroeg erom. hij staarde echt heel de avond. mijn beste vriend kwam bij mij en gaf mij een zotte knuffel. en hij staarde echt samen met al zijn vrienden keihard naar Lander. Ik voelde mij zo machtig. Want hij had al een lief, ja, hij had mij 3 dagen gedumpt & had al een ander. Dag relatie van 7 maand. De hoer. En dat hij naar mij staarde wil echt wat zeggen. Ik stapte op hem af en kuste hem. Zijn hoer stuurde natuurlijk al een kwartier later een bericht van : 'blijf met u vuile poten van mijn lief'. ik was zoooo boos. ie was van mij, ze had er toen maar moeten van blijven. nja, ge kent ht, alcohol is op die momenten je beste vriend. NIET DUS. Later op de avond zag ik heb terug en confronteerde ik hem : 'ik was bijna dood, en ge geloofde mij niet, ge waart der niet, ik was bijna dood en het kon u GODVERDOMME de kloten schelen!', ja, al roepend zei ik dat, blame the alcohol. Hij lachte mij gewoon uit in mijn gezicht. Ik was zo boos & zo gekwetst dat ik hem keihard in zijn gezicht sloeg dat mijn hand er 10 minuten later nog pijn van deed. De dag nadien voelde ik mij opgelucht, al mijn frustraties waren eruit. Ik kwam op facebook en zag dat hij me gewist had, ik lachte, het deed hem dus effectief wel iets anders zou hij me nooit verwijderen. Hoe dan ook, mijn plan was al beetje aan het falen op de vakantie geweldig te maken. Maar de dinsdag vertrok ik naar centerparcs. Het was een genezing, maar echt letterlijk. Het was een meer met een bos rond en in deze tijd van het jaar was het bos gekleurd met al de kleuren van de regenboog en de huisjes waren houten cottages in allerlei kleuren. It was paradise. Ik heb samen met een vriendin gewandeld, hele dagen en genoten van al de kleine dingen. Maar het moment dat ik mij het meest terug voelde leven was op een fietstocht. er was een immens grote afdaling met een kronkelpad tussen het mooi gekleurde bos. mijn vriendin had haar boxen aangezet en er was dus een themesong. We gingen de afdaling af met de themesong op de achtergrond en de wind op het gezicht. Mijn voeten van mijn pedalen en mijn ogen wijd open. Het gevoel was zo geweldig in mijn buik. IK LEEFDE! De magie was zo geweldig dat ik het uitriep van plezier. Deze week was een proces van genezing. en ze zeggen, zoek niet naar geluk, geniet ervan wanneer je het hebt. Wel, ik had het, en damn, ik heb ervan genoten! Life's great! And i know, he will regret it some day that he let me go, but when you hurt a girl so bad that she walks away, than she isn't coming back. :) girls like me, don't want guys with faces like his. ;)
Charlotte, in the past six months, I haven't been the greatest friend nor your closest one. Though I allready promised you once that we would keep in touch , it seems way more dificult in real life, so instead of sending you an email/fbmessage or having an msnconversation ( you know how much I hate telling a long story while constantly being interrupted.even by you.) well, to keep things 'short' (haha ooh you wish) i'll just write you a blog. I think thet's why we started this blog in te first place : communication, with each other, keeping this stubborn friendship as alive and kicking as it was in the beginning. well i had a pen friend once, i think i told you about her, i got sick of her, of the writing so i just decided to stop writing her back. she finally gave up after six months of unanswerred letters. well, my point being: i'm not that much of a friend i guess. And so i was thinking; i don't want that to happen to you, or to me, so , behold my letter, (now i know you this well, so you're probably thinking this better be damn good after all this time well it isn't. but i tried :) so let's turn back time. 6 months ago .. that should be April, (counting back months in my head, kinda dificult if you consider the fact that it's been a long day and I'm just to tired to think) anyway, my memory doesn't recall every little detail (or any data ;) ) i almost had a boyfriend who was 3 years older than me, and (subsequently proved) who cherished me more than i knew. everytime he tried to meet, i found one of my famous excuses, and now i know that i just wasn't ready for the whole gown-up thing, (and ofc i was into the whole 'happysingle'thing, now i had time for friends and other kinds of fun) but as it suspected, the guy was an untamed party animal and when he saw that i wasn't that interested, he moved along. so did i. Easter holliday : D came to visit to watch a movie (i know, i should've seen it coming, but sweetie, i'm not great with getting hints, i just send them) and just when i had convinced myself (after the whole other-guy-thing) that i could be friends without other feelings he told me he wasn't over me, and i could hit him for his crappy timing. I hurted him, but there will be karma (later in letter). eum after April comes May, that's about the time I got to meet Izzie , well, he 's nice but a little grabby, and sometimes pushy, but we got along quite well (in all these months, just so we're clear that i'm not a tramp : i didn't have a single relationship or any form of commitment aboce friendship) but than again i couldn't convince myself that this was a person i was in love with or to ever be in love with. as i'm typing the words now, i realise i'm very selective, or i just have one teenage sweetheart. Anyway i didn't respond to his 'expectations' and we had a fight or two. Now we're bud's again, but back than; he could make my blood boil. to talk about anything other than guys : one of my best friends got run over by a truck (a car actually, but you know me,i like to exaggerate, but it wasn't necessary here. the damage spoke for itself) she was in a coma, and i visited her blog every day, at first i told some people about it, but actually that didn't relieve me nor did it help her. And after a week people forget about the accident, and the victim. (she is 'fine' now, she is awake after a month in coma but walking and talking is still dificult) June, i always get the 'shizzles' (i'm pretty sure that's not a word but it's the only thing that suits the feeling in my tumy ) (cause school's almost out and everybody is making all these crazy summerplans. I did my tests fine, thanks to my Einsteinbrain and hours of hard labor (seriously, who am I kidding, the fact that i had good results, well god knows why..) anyway, my parents were 'proud' in their own way and that was that. I burned all my notes and workbooks, a ritual i will cherish my entire life. JULYYYY loved it. first there was rock werchter, were i went to see Muse and damn they were awesome! I sat on a guys shoulders during the whole concert . after werchter i went camping. 10 days with no shower, good food, roof, warmth, or any comfort. BUT also ten days to reflect, about yourself and in group. I was finally able to set my thoughts straight. And ten days of gossip. deuh! well I came to the conclusion that I wasn't the happy single i thought i was, and that maybe that wasn't the reason why i turned those guys down.(later) after camp there was this amazing holliday with my sister, parents and another family with kids, Greece rocks! Because me and my Mum were the only one's who could read Greek we could fool the others and i loved the other kids, there small and the way they look at things, at the world, it refreshes my mind every time :) i started skyping with D, and at a certain moment those minutes i saw him were the higlite of my (insanely awesome and hot) days in Kreta. But at this point you allready know he had a girlfriend, so i backed of, (you remember Suz? goood i was willing to push my feelings asside as long as the drama didn't start again) but as i found out, he wasn't as excited about her , his eyes didn't glow the way i used to hate it when he talked about her. anyway; you know me : i wasn't innocent. Yet it wasn't my fault entirely ;) he broke up with her, and I went to see him , to watch a movie in his appartment in ODK , (haha, i love 'watching movies' come on ! that's as subtle as asking : wanna date?) but anyway i reckoned it was too soon to date him, 'cause everybody would think I was the one who drove them apart (and i didn't want that, partly because it was a bit true and partly because i have this issue SERIOUSLY about people disliking me, i can't stand it when people gossip about me, wich is absurd 'cause i dare to admit i gossip all the time, i think i can truely say i know something about everyone, and i'm not proud about it. anyway, i had to muster all my strength not to tell him how i felt about the whole situation. funny fact : six days (not kidding) later we were together. So love conquers all, omnia amor vincit, even my socalled principles that i always use to push people away. I let my walls down, so far, so good. (so far so great )
I was stubborn in the beginning, I was scared to let you into my heart. So scared to get hurted again. Once I let you in, you knew everything about me. No one could get inside my head like you. You taught me what it was, to feel the sting of love. I hang on every word you said, you were/are my hero, the lifesaver, you helped me through to week to get to the weekend, the days when I saw you, and be whole again. Now I'm searching for the entry point where love went in.The place where my heart used to be, but you've captured it, then you left a hole where you walked out. I don't know how to heal these exit wounds. I've been searching after patches, salve, pills,... Nothing can heal them. No friends, no family, no food, no sleep, no music... I just want to sleep forever, I don't want to wake up and face a day when you aren't by my side. It hurts so bad, to accept that I was nothing, that I am nothing for you. I was just amusement, so you don't have to do a day without affection. It hurts, you know. You thaught me so much, how to let someone in, how to love someone so much that you would do anything to keep them by your side, how to desire so bad. But most of all you taught me to feel like I don't ever want to let somebody ever get that close to me again.
Show me how to lie Youre getting better all the time And turning all against the one Is an art thats hard to teach Another clever word Sets off an unsuspecting herd And as you step back into line A mob jumps to their feet
Now dance fucker dance Man he never had a chance And no one even knew It was really only you
And now you steal away Take him out today Nice work you did Youre gonna go far, kid
With a thousand lies And a good disguise Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
Slowly out of line And drifting closer in your sights So play it out Im wide awake Its a scene about me Theres something in your way And now someone is gonna pay And if you cant get what you want Well its all because of me
Now dance, fucker, dance Man, I never had a chance And no one even knew It was really only you
And now youll lead the way Show the light of day Nice work you did Youre gonna go far, kid Trust, deceived!
With a thousand lies And a good disguise Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
Now dance, fucker, dance He never had a chance And no one even knew It was really only you
So dance, fucker, dance I never had a chance It was really only you
With a thousand lies And a good disguise Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
Clever alibis Lord of the flies Hit em right between the eyes Hit em right between the eyes When you walk away Nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See em running for their lives
It's in the eyes of the children As they leave for the very first time And it's in the heart of the soldier As he takes a bullet on the frontline It's in the face of a mother As she takes the force of a blow And its in the hands of the father yeah As he works his fingers to the bone This is why we do it This is worth the pain This is why we bow down And get back up again This is where the heart lies This is from above Love is this, this is love Love is why we do it Love is worth the pain Love is why we fall down And get back up again Love is where the heart lies Love is from above Love is this, this is love
If I could read your mind, love what a tale your thoughts could tell just like a paperback novel. The kind the drugstores sell. When you reached the part where the heartaches come, the hero would be me, but heroes often fall. You won't read that book again, because the ending is too much to take.
I've been used. I've been stabbed in the back while they promise the earth I've been left in the cold I've been lied to I've been laughed at I've been pulled to the lowest place I've been a body, and that's all.
Now there is something weird going on, there's someone who seems to care. It feels so unfamiliar, so weird. I was sure it was the same loser with the nice talks, nice looks, but after all a jerk. Now he's trying to persuade me, and I really want to trust him, but when something little goes wrong I'm going back to the past and protecting myself. I know it's safe with him but something stops me everytime.
It's all your fault, because of you I don't believe in true love anymore.
We are all buzzy with climbing up, being good to everyone so everyone would like you. Buzzy with your points at school because if your points are bad, goodbye freedom. We are so buzzy that we forget the time. Everyone is always complaining about how life goes by so fast, before you know it you are retired and you are spoiling your grandchildren with looooooots of candy. Life goes way too fast, but we forget to enjoy the moments. Even the little things, a beautiful line of a song which you always get goosebumps from, the smiles of children, a hug of someone you love... We are always trying to reach a goal, but once we get there, we don't enjoy it, we are just trying to find something else to reach. It's kinda stupid, you don't have to proof that you deserve to live. You just have to enjoy each breath on this world.
Someone once told me that relationships are like mirrors. Once broken, then you can try to fix them but you would still see the scars. But why can't we just like mirrors with scars? We have been teached that mirrors haven't scars. But the only declaration is that we rather buy a new mirror than try to fix them. 'Cause you've got to take your time to fix the mirror, piece by piece. And sometimes it takes a lot of time because the mirror is so broken that you can't see clear anymore. And it also takes time to get used to a broken mirror. And after all that time you can see trough the scars, and you'll see, the view is still the same.
Sometimes it's easy to feel like you're the only on in the world
who's struggling, who's frustrated, or unsatisfied, or barely getting
by. But that feeling's a lie. And if you just hold on, just find the
courage to face it all for another day and someone, or something, will
find you and make it all okay. Because we all need a little help
sometimes. Someone to help us hear the music in our world. To remind us
that it won't always be this way. That someone is out there, and that
someone will find you.
"Nobody has all the answers, but we all have our why's. Like, why
did this happen? Why didn't we see it coming? And why do people 'watch
American Idol?'
It's been said that there's one word that will free us from the
weight and the pain of life, and that word is love, and i believe that.
That doesn't mean that it hasn't been hard, or that it won't be. It
just means that, I found a stillness and bravery in myself with you.
you make me brave, and i will love you until the end of time. This i
vow today
That love thing isn't as easy as I thought. It has so many bitchy things you have to deal with. Jealousy, the missing part, the fight about little things, the fights about things that aren't so little. Now i'm stuck with the missing part. Well, it's summer vacation, and I thought, hmm summer with my boyfriend. I LIKE. :D I was wrong. He's going on a weekend with his friends and the days after that i can't go to him because i have things to do and after that i'm going on a camp. Now I don't want to ruin his weekend with his friends, so i shut my mouth about the day between that weekend and my camp I can't go to him (he doesn't know that). But the thing is, I'm already missing him, it's a week ago that i've seen him, but i'm texing him all the time! and in the period of his weekend and my camp i can't text him. Can you have so much pain of missing someone that you can die?
I mentioned earlier that I'm not doing well, now I am doing fine, this song helped me a couple of weeks : beyonce- if i were a boy If I were a boy even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go ooooohhh
Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it 'Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken So they would think I'm sleeping alone
I'd put myself first And make the rules as I go 'Cause i know that she'd be faithful Waiting for me to come home,to come home
If I were a boy I think I would understand how it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
It's too late for you to come back Says it's just a mistake Think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you you thought wrong
But you're just a boy you don't understand and you don't understand ,oh how it feels to love a girl someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted 'Cause your taking her for granted And everything you had got destroyed But you're just a boy
I mentioned earlier that I'm not doing well, now I am doing fine, this song helped me a couple of weeks : beyonce- if i were a boy If I were a boy even just for a day I'd roll out of bed in the morning and throw on what I wanted and go ooooohhh
Drink beer with the guys and chase after girls I'd kick it with who I wanted and I'd never get confronted for it 'Cause they stick up for me
If I were a boy I think I could understand How it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
If I were a boy I would turn off my phone Tell everyone it's broken So they would think I'm sleeping alone
I'd put myself first And make the rules as I go 'Cause i know that she'd be faithful Waiting for me to come home,to come home
If I were a boy I think I would understand how it feels to love a girl I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her 'Cause I'd know how it hurts When you lose the one you wanted 'Cause he's taking you for granted and everything you had got destroyed
It's too late for you to come back Says it's just a mistake Think I'd forgive you like that If you thought I would wait for you you thought wrong
But you're just a boy you don't understand and you don't understand ,oh how it feels to love a girl someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her You don't care how it hurts Until you lose the one you wanted 'Cause your taking her for granted And everything you had got destroyed But you're just a boy
when my phone vibrated i used to hop it was you. now i'm hoping it's you and that you're telling me something good. the changes we make, the things we decide, the conclusions we make, they are what makes us who we are. who we were. i think i am in love with the person i thought you were, so I'm double-messed up, i not only lost my love, i lost my illusion, my friend-who-i-can-always-count-on. Let's just wait and see, who you'll be. i think this i just met somebody, a few hours ago, who is totaly perfect, i see an opportunity, a chance, for a change :) it's perfect, and so is he.
cry over me. feel bad about me. hate yourself for me. 'cause I'm not going to be there to tell you that everything will be fine. it won't,and i won't be there . And you don't want to lose me, because when this is all over, I will be the one person who will want to stay by your side. but not anymore, so, this is not a lovesong, this is goodbye, and ok, we can still be friends, but look at our history, we aren't very good at 'just friends' are we? but I'll give it a shot, because it's you and me right :) but don't blame me when i get over you, and never come back . :)
this is a song I just found, it's really nice, kinda right for this moment , it describes how i feel
Every night I remember that event The way you looked when you said you were leaving The way you cried as you turned to walk away The cruel words and the false accusations The mean looks and the same old frustrations I never thought that we'd throw it all away But we threw it all away.
And I'm a little bit lost without you And I'm a bloody big mess inside And I'm a little bit lost without you This aint a love song this is goodbye (oooooh) This aint a love song this is goodbye (ooooh)
I've been lost, I've been losing I've been tired, I'm all hurt and confusion I've been mad, I'm the kind of man that I'm not I'm going down, I'll be coming back fighting I may be scared and a little bit frightened But I'll be back, I'll be coming back to life I'll be coming back to life
they are fake, they are bitches , they are a living commercial for beauty-products, they are always orange, their boobies are blown up (fake bras) to make a loooong list of my frustrations short : we hate them. they know we do. But still everybody acts like they love them 'nwly Bi-atch' (why do you think they call each other that way? because they know they are!) why do we act like that? we want to be part of it all? the parties? the boys? the clan? the being better than somebody else? GUESS not yuo are way better off with your real friends. friends that will DUMP you if you don't get over yourself and over the army of skanks, stop hanging out with them and acting like that's fine. Or I will... you know you love me, nwly-shit karen ow, I think you know this message is for you.
I still remember the feeling when I was a year of 12, i felt terrible. Things changed, not only my surrounding. Not only the people around me. Even I was changed. Goodbye stupid stories with my barbies as actors. What's happened with the innocent jokes I made? Then people laugh with them, now, I cannot make them anymore, because that's what little childs do. My mum and dad say that I'm a big girl now, and that I don't used to do all those childish things.
I wrote this a few months ago, and I had forgotten to poste it.
'Illusions are like balloons, once punctured and there is nothing left. You can try to blow them back, but you can't. Illusions are like balloons, if you have too much balloons you'll fly. Illusions are like balloons, they look so beautiful, but they only exist of air. Illusions are like balloons, once you have to let them fly away.'
What does this word «love» means? Love has been described as the greatest need humans have. From the cradle to the grave, people strive after love, thrive in its warmth, even pine away and die for lack of it. Nonetheless,it is surprisingly difficult to define. Of course, people talk a lot about love. There is an endless stream of books, songs and poems about it. The results do not always clarify the meaning of love. The true meaning seems ever more elusive.
I found a lot of inspiration in 'One Tree Hill'. Here are a few quotes:
You ever heard the expression 'The best things in life are free.' Well that expression is true.' Every once in a while, people step up they rise above themselves sometimes they surprise you and sometimes they fall short. Life is funny sometimes. It can push pretty hard but if you look close enough, you can find hope in the words of children, in the bars of the song and in the eyes of someone you love. And if you're lucky, if you're the luckiest person on this entire planet, the person you love decides to love you back.
"You know it's been said that we just don't recognize the significant moments of our lives while they're happening. We grow complacent with ideas, or things or people and we take them for granted and it's usually not until that thing is about to be taken away from you that you realize how wrong you've been, that you realize how much you need it, how much you love it."
There comes a time when every life goes off course. In this desperate moment you must choose your direction. Will you fight to stay on the path while others tell you who you are? Or will you label yourself? Will you be honored by your choice? Or will you embrace your new path? Each morning you choose to move forward or to simply give up.
"There are moments in our lives when we find ourselves at a crossroads. The choices we make in those moments can define the rest of our days."
if there was a sign, a mark ,a signal ... that you could see when somebody really loves you back, what would it be? a smile? most people only smile with their mouth, a formal , posed smile you see on christmass-cards and group photos ,but when somebody is truly happy or in love, they laugh with both eyes and mouth.
a look? as I quote Kate Nash 'The nicest thing' : I wish you'ld never forget the look on my face when we first met. Is there a special look a person has when they find their lover? a wink, a blink and that's it? what if you miss the first look, right?
a touch? other people say that when you love a person you want to touch them, you can't help yourself, (and not in the pervy way, that's just an excuse for pervs) you stroke 'accidentally' their cheek, bump into them in the hallway/office...
A kiss? A first kiss is something you never forget, or you shoudln't , and I'm not talking about the first kiss in your life, because little children kiss all the time and the first time I kissed, I was very drunk, I try not to remember every day :) , but the first kiss in a relationship with a person you love, That is what really is important . So think about somebody you dated, the last relationship you had, do you remeber? then it was true love, and could you describe it where, when, it was, in guestbook.?
I say it is everything at once, even if this sounds stupid : I think you just have to feel it when you're ready. And you knwo what, fuck 'The One' theory, I have been in love once, and I'm planning to be in love again, and it doesn't have to be the same person, right? If it is, great, but if it isn't, move on,live your life and have fun, I'm about to throw myself in the game, secretly hoping I don't get hurt, anyway you'll get the end of this story I promise, just wait and see :) xoxo karen
We all know the feeling of happiness. Happiness comes in many forms, in the smiles of children, in the feeling you look in the eyes of someone you love, meeting a old friend again after you've been separated,... People long for happiness, they search it every second of their lives. Because they don't want to live without it. But happiness isn't always that big, you have to find it in small things, and once you found it, you don't want to let go. Me neither, I just found something, or better, someone, who makes me happier than ever. And i'm not going to let go.
long time no blog, a friend of mine reminded me. Sorry, is was busy, have this major tests coming up... My point being: I'm sorry for not talking to you. We all want our future to be the fairy tale we heard about, we work our asses of for what? A happely ever after, that's right! studying, going to college, finding boyfriends, making new friends, keeping old friends, we do it, because we want what's best for ous, living for tommorow. I am living for today, enough about 'what am I going to do?' 'If I found myself a boyfriend?' I am living, breathing, talking about today, screw you future-guysè :D the more I am doing this, the happier I get, and you knwo what, I do get good grades, and I might just found the right duy, and all this without worrying about how I xould handle it. So just recoriding a track for all the bitches out there, shaking there ass like they just don't care, enjoy... while you can ;)
i had my time, i had my glorie, we had our moments we have our memories, does this mean you're moving on? i am not sure if i want you to. have you ever got the feeling your life would have been totaly diferent (better) when you idd something a little earlier? the 'wath if's are killing me, we were happy, and now, you are happy for both of us. is it selfish wanting to go back in time, stopping myself from killing the future,? every day i wake up and wonder if i am dreaming this, a nightmare that never ends. in my head we're still together, in reality I broke up, for reasons that don't make sence anymore. It seems that I am replaceable, but is she still the one? knowing you'll love her more then you ever loved me, I wish I could say she didn't love you back the way I did, but honestly, she never will, no matter how hard I try , things will never be the same, kissing her changed the life we have, or will have , I hope you love her, and that you are happy, because in any other way, I wouldn't survive the day
Everyone has got this feeling once, you have someone who loves you, but you think you see him as a friend, but when you think you gonna lose him, you begin to wonder if he wasn't more than just a friend. Well, i have this now.
'I just don't know what i feel right now. I know that you're way too good for me & that you'll never hurt me. But i don't know what i want, but please, in a mean time, you can't leave me, because if you do, i would be a mess. I feel way too much for you, but also way too less.
One thing is sure, i love you, but i just haven't figure the way i do out.'
I wish I could give you a magic wand, to turn everything like it was before. To give you your luck back. But sorry, i'm not a wizard or a fairy. I just want you to be happy, I only want to give some of my luck to you. But I guess this is how it suposse to be, you've to move on, but don't forget, i'll be next to you to survive the storm.
when i woke up this morning, there was something new, i looked up, and saw that everything was white. while i had been snoring, my whole world had been covered with a thick bed of snow, and as I looked through the window, I was wondering, why I was still inside, snow gives me a strange thrill, a vibe, it is crhistmass, and normally, where I live, there barely is snow, you could'nt call it snow 'cause it never is white, so now, I took of, went outside with a friend of mine, and we laughed like we hadn't laughed before, it remined me of those children you see in the movies, in the background, playing, having a snow-fight... and the mothers, worrying about getting a cold, but I didn't have much time to think, I didn't care actually, I just wanted some fun you know, and I got my fun :) now my vision is bright and shiny, and the snow colored the landscape as it cleared my head, for the first time in , well, a while, let's say, I could focus, and just not think about anything else that doesn't really matter :)
I guess everyone have this feeling once. The feeling that there isn't a leading light in your life. Everything is just dark, no points of lighting. Well, it's like a dark night, and you just don't see things clear anymore. You're like paranoid, you hear things that scare you. You hear things that make you shiver.You think you're alone in this wide world. But you've just got to look up and search the pointing lights. If you search good enough, you will find the little points of light, the stars. They will make you smile, even if it's just a second, just the feeling you're not alone. But stars won't make everything clear, you need a bigger light if you want to see things clear. You've got the find the moon. The moon can be your boyfriend, your mother, your little brother or your best friend. Well, I've got points of light, the stars. The stars are the smiles of children that are playing, hugs from the people I love.. They make me smile, they clear up my mind, even if it's just a second, they make the world not look that bad. But the moon is way much better. If you look outside at night and there is a moon, you see everything. Well, if I have my moon I see everything way much brighter. And every night has a moon, the moon isn't always that big. And there can be clouds too. But there are also moonless nights, then you've just got to make your own happiness. Make a fire to bright up your mind. My moon isn't always there, it isn't my boyfriend (baha, I don't even have one), it isn't my mother, it isn't my brother. It's you. You aren't always here but I know you are always there for me. Well, i've got stars i've got things to make a fire and i've got a moon. What else do you need?
you cut off all my nerves, so that I couldn't feel anything besides you, no pain, no happy, no sad. you took my mind, wrapped it around you, again and again, until I would have answerred your name, to any kind of question ( how are you? I'm Tristan, what's 2+2 ? Tristan, you get my point? and by the way, there is no Tristan, I always use codes to names, and if you thought that was a funny name, I wont tell you the real one, 'cause I don't know how to pronounce it in english ;)) you were everywhere, and nowhere, when I couldn't see you, I felt your presence, when I was sleeping, I dreamed about you, there was just so much of you in my life, I couldn't stop talking about you! you were it. all of it. and now, i sleep dreamless, i wake up, not even remembering what I dreamed about. this might sound normal to you, but allthough I never sleep much, I always remember my dream. or at least, I used to. you wrote me some letters , and if somebody would ask, I can tell what they said. but I woudln't because I treasure them too much. you weren't my romeo, because you weren't wrong, you didn't felt impossible to me, we weren't impossible anymore, but still crazy in love, so no romeo, more of a Tristan, you know what I mean, still wrong, but it feels right :) you deserve the most astonishing, breathtaking, happy-looking (and being ;)) , joke-making lovely girl, and I just didn't fit for the job, you earned a good year, surviving me ;) you need a bunch of happy people around you, you know, happy people should be around happy people, :D so happy newyear, I am kinda serious about it. I will never read this letter again, because I'm sure I would delete it, but this isn't about me :) and you know what, i am happy 2, you happy , me happy ;) you used to say :p. but promise me that you will not be as overpretecting ? it makes me feel worse, because I just want to laugh around you :) if that's not to much to ask, I'ld like it :) the laughing with you part (: now, I will end this letter, (something else then some hallmark card hein ? :p) with saying that all of this, our whole story, was suddenly, destroyed by me, you wont take credit. so don't keep searching for something you do wrong, there isn't, and there is not going to be. with gratitude
karen
you 'nd me, it was magic. we will always be magic,
now I know. the worst has yet to come. I wont regret saying this. I will regret for letting it swallow my thoughts for so lang. time has past, but nothing has changed.It would, they promised. months, this thought overrules all other things swimming in my mind, and even when I tried as hard as I do, I ould never focus. this thing keeps crawling to the centre of the attention, of my attention.
Nothing has changed, and sometimes I doubt the fact wether that is a good nor a bad habbit I have. should i leave erverything behind, and focus on the future, admitting that I might be a coward. or worse, that I would turn out normal, and knowing that worrying for the last months had no point. but what if I go, this step in a dark room (or place, you know, I don't know what it's like, or I wouldn't be calling it 'the unknown' right?) and the door closes behind my back, there always are people shutting doors, but who will assure me that others will open new ones?good doors, let's call them that way ;) and if friends will stab me in the back, will I be brave enough to bear with the pain, will it be OK to suffer, for the greater good? for the future? being as ignorant as I am , right now, it is one of the most irritating things to feel, and certainly when I am tired. tired of needing help and always have to support on the same people, tired of fearing that my home-base (that's what I call them, and no, they're not my 'direct family' though I could consider them as family) are getting tired of this wrack. I used to be quit vital, you know? the type that never gets bored singing the same song. OK I sometimes had a bad mood in the morning, but ya know, a regular kid, just growing up. and then things got 'complicated'. with the whole growing up -thing, I could live, it was natural, but this? I should be damn happy, I have every reason to! and still I've got a strange crawling on my back, and scaring the hell out of me when I'm alone at night. (I have sleeping-issues ;))
is it a strange thing if I call music a door to me? it helps you know. And although I would never admit it in public, i think I can sing, just a note or 2, and when I'm sad, or just tired, r angry (wich happens a lot, i've got quit a bad mood ;)) it keeps me warm,
but the second and more important door is ... you, keep open, keep saving me, be my light in the dark room/space thing, right? i will be yours
we ignore those who adore us, adore those who ignore us, hurt those who loves us and love the ones who hurt us?
Did you ever got the feeling of impotency? the feeling that you just want to do something but you can't? Well, I guess that's the story of my life. I was always trying to be good, didn't I? Well, why goes everything wrong? Why can't there be just one spark of light? I've always be a believer but when I thought things can't get worse, well, believe me, they can. And I tried to move on everytime, but it became difficult. Because all those things destroyed my hope again. I want to give my life to the ones I love, just to know that they won't die, but I guess that's not the solution. If santa claus existed I would know what to ask: 'the strenght to go on, twice', and I'd pack it in a box wrapped in a beautiful string, underneath the Christmas tree. But that's not going to happen. I'll just move on, I'll survive, like everyone expect.
every great love story has a great end. remember romeo and juliette? well, it didn't work out for them, it didn't work out for me. However , I do not fear love, and I will not regret every single minute that I was in love before.
But still, I am sorry, for not knowing this would hurt you this much, if I had known, I think I hadn't started this in the first place, we would be 2 people, living a normal live, thinking we are happy. But that's the thing, we aren't , we were more than happy, but once you met happy, you never want to go back, and now, we're back, to the 'normal' part, but it feels worse, and it doesn't get any better, and i wish i wans't this selfish. because if i had known i don't think i would be able to stop myself, because i didn't want to just be happy, i wanted you. and maybe it is for the best that it is done, but however i don't want you to move on, i don't want to move on, but i don't want to go back, i am here, in the middle of two happy places, and i don't want you to be here to, but being here alone, it's scaring the hell out of me.
Do you know a person that makes you smile from the first till the last second they talk to you? Do you know the feeling of missing a piece, that you're not complete? Do you know nostalgia, every time you think about it, you just want to go back? Well, that's how i feel at the moment. And no, it isn't because the boy don't want me. It's just that I feel terrible, I miss you so much. You just can't image. Some people need to be every day together and then they say 'we are best friends forever'. And the next day they are enemies. Well, I don't need to be every day with you, and tomorrow we won't be enemies. We are just, hmm, us. We don't need words for it. It's just a feeling, something that comes straight from my heart. The way you listen to me, no one can do the same. And that's why I can say that we are 'best friends forever'. But some people don't see the meaning of that. So I just say : 'we are Karen and Lot'. And do you know that all my friends know who you are? And how amazing you are? They try to understand the 'Karen and Lot'-thing, but they just can't, only we can do that. And don't lose your hope, please, because if the hope dissapear, you will do the same. They just don't see like I see, maybe it's because of the glasses, maybe it's because Oost-Vlaanderen see things different than over there. But you've got to know, we'll get through this.
I can conclude this with 'i love you'. But I love you don't make sense. So I say : 'Karen and Lot' and only you will understand. YOU'RE THE GREATEST.
when the end is near, animals see things coming, dogs bark, fish swim, birds fly away, how come, that people never see things coming, when we really don't want to hurt the people we love, do we need to prepare them for the bad news? or is that just some stupid excuse we make to make us feel better ? or do we need to wait en see, how they react? or is that cruel? and, is there any other option left? I tried, the warning thing, and it didn't work. maybe it is just the way it should be, bad things happen, and you just have to face them, like you need to do with fear.
i broke up, he didn't see it coming, neither did I. i talked about being together, but in fact I was hoping for the whole 'happy-end' thingy, well, some people 'helped' me through, but I think I should be doing this allone, cause, it is my problem, and not being sure about my decision was the worst part yet. some say that true love never dies, but then is my question, how do you know? everybody has their own opinion about me, and about breaking up, and i am kinda glad i don't have to hear them all, cause it would make me feel worse, lot helped me through, but only we could really know what i need. i suck in those things, but, as a letter to you, i will say , you don't, so please keep saving me? :) how do you know when i need you, the most :p most of the time, i get by, but when you stop calling, i'll be lonely again, so thanks, because right now, you are one of the only things keeping hopes up :)
I wish you are here. Just by my side. Just to hear you talking about your stupid stories & overacting days. Just to hear your voice again. Just to hear that horrible accent. You just don't know what only you can do. you can give me my hope back, because at this moment I just don't know how to survive anymore. Even breathing regulary is difficult. I just want you by my side, that I can survive the biggest storm. i really miss you.
unconditional .insecure?doubtful. irrevocable. indisputable? marvellous? insane?incontrovertible. unavoidable? out of the question ? outspoken. abviously?
for about 15 minutes sinds the first of january I was completely sure, certain, final and without doubt about something. I'm love my boyfriend. but that is the end of the 'no doubt' part. I'm Karen, in my teenage-years, and appearently not so sure as I wish I was. now, you might be thinking: what the **** is she talking about. well; in january, it changed, on New Year's eve I kissed some other guy, who's name we shall not mention . And now it's almost August, and the next time I'll see this man it will 29 december. I know his sister well; but, the only thing I know about him is that he lives far from here, he is 2 years older and I ' loved ' him, I barely know him, I hardly like him. but I liked him anough to never tell my boyfriend about it , though, it was before myrelationship , let's be clear about that ! the feeling of guilt keeps growing behind my back and crowling to my heart. so, what am I suppose to do? wait and see, if I get over, it's been a half year sinds that kiss. and, I am sure I love my boyfriend, we are perfectly happy. :) I love him and I am in love with him. I just can't tell him this little detail and the longer I keep this secret from him, the more I feel guilty about it. But, what about 'let's call him Harry,' The only harries I know are Harry Potter, who doens't exist , and Prince Harry (who is as a matter of fact a sort of hot, a sort of old and a sort of 'lives in GREAT-BRITTAIN) but enough about my 'secretly passion for princes' lol ;) no, seriously, what the hell am I going to do? I mess up, every time I get happy, truly, I keep complaining about stupid silly little things. but , now, I am more than happy, my bf (wich is a dumb abbrevation for 'boyfriend' I don't have a lot of time to write, I want it out of my head by tommorow and it is late. ) is perfect. so what the hell is this about? and, so what, I kissed somebody else, but it was before 'us' and, he has secrets all the time; I want him to know, because there is nobody in this world I love more, but I would not get the time to tell him, because there would be a lot of misunderstandings before I could finish one sentence. so, doomed Harry, I don't like him, but e makes me feel guilty; about one drunk silly night-kiss. so wath do I tell me bf? and why the hell do I even bother to tell him at all? is it my guilt? or my self-destruction who wants me to be miserable again. ? because without Harry I can live, but without my boyfriend, I wouldn't survive a day. so, I kinda am hoping that one day, I'd rather have it soon than later, I will be brave, and tell him, but I don't want to lose him.
my bf worth much more than the truth. and I am well aware that truth is priceless.
Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, they serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson or help figure out who you are and who you want to become.
You never know who these people may be: your neighbor, child, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment that they will affect your life in some profound way.
And sometimes things happen to you and at the time they seem painful and unfair, but in reflection
you realize that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential strength, will power, or heart. Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or
by means of good or bad luck.
Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of
your soul.
Without these small tests, whether they be events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved straight flat road to nowhere, safe and comfortable, but dull and
utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life and the successes and downfalls you experience create who you are, and even the bad experiences can be learned from, In fact, they are probably the
poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart...
If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because they are teaching you to love and opening your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt without them.
Make every day count.
Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to experience it again...
Talk to people you have never talked to before, and actually listen, let yourself fall in love, break free and set your sights high...
Hold your head up because you have every right too.
Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself...
for if you don't believe in yourself, no one else will believe in you either.
You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live in it!
Live each day As if it were your last... Tomorrow is not promised
the moon disappears, and the sun comes up. The city wakes up. Smiling faces walk to the mailbox to retrieve the newspaper. I gaze through my window to the orange horizon while the last teardrop falls on the ground. The only thing that crosses my mind is: 'we have survived the night.'
You messed it up again, but the differents between the other times, now my eyes aren't burning from the silly tears i cry. Now my heart isn't bleeding because you ripped it out. Now I don't feel al the sadness you've put through. There's even a smile upon my face. Maybe you think I lie, maybe you think I deny. Maybe you think that it's a routine now that you give me butterflies and then you murdered them.
Or maybe, I faced the truth, I stopped you push me around.
The screen door slams Mary's dress waves Like a vision she dances across the porch As the radio plays Rob Orbison singing for the lonely Hey that's me and I want you only Don't turn me home again I just can't face myself alone again he is clearly a lonely person, but now he found some one that is even more lonely, Don't run back inside they want to get out , they're weiting for their 'big escape' Darling you know just what I'm here for she's scared, and accually , he is to. thet 'maybe we aren't that young anymore' So you're scared and you're thinking suddently he figgers out, that he hasn't did anything with his life, so far. That maybe we ain't that young anymore Show a little faith, there's magic in the night You ain't a beauty, but hey you're alright this is a lovely verse. he sais : you are not pretty, but you are OK. Oh and that's alright with me and that is fine with me (I don't need a pretty girl to be happy)
You can hide 'neath your covers And study your pain Make crosses form your lovers Throw roses in the rain he talks about the misery they went trough, and about how she 'wasted her summer Waste your summer praying in vain praying in vain" here it is clear that she dreams about an escape to. For a savior to rise from these streets Well now I'm no hero he admits tat he is not a hero. that is a big step for a boy ;) That's understood All the redemption I can offer girl he hasn't got a lot to offer a girl, because their bouth from a dirty hood. is beneath this dirty hood but he wants to give everything that he has and more, he wants to give his dreams to With a chance to make it good somehow because, when she would be happy, he would be to. that is , to me, a perfect Hey what else can we do now thing to do. Except roll down the window here he bassicly sais : we 've got to make the best of it. And let the wind blow back your hair lets enjoy our lives,and laugh about the crappy days, let the wind blow in our hairs. Well the night's busting open These two lanes will take us anywhere there is magic in the night; We got one last chance to make it real To trade in thes wings on some wheels Climb in back Heaven's waiting on down the tracks he talks about their ride, about getting away. he asks her to take his hand, Oh oh come take my hand so that they could be together. Riding out tonight to case the promised land Oh oh Thunder Road, oh Thunder Road Oh Thunder Road Lying out there like a killer in the sun Hey I know it's late, we can make it if we run oh Thunder Road, sit tight take hold Thunder Road
Well I got this guitar just to let you know : a guitar doesn't talk. it is a way of telling you : I can play music. And I learned how to make it talk And my car's out back If you're ready to take that long walk The 'long walk' he talks about, is a walk to go away from home. to make a new home; From your front proch to my front seat The door's open but the ride it ain't free And I know you're lonely For words that I ain't spoken But tonight we'll be free tonight is the big night for (hmm, think ... I need a name) Jack and Mary. All the promises'll be broken There were ghosts in the eyes Mary had to disapoint many boys, who had 'gosts in their eyes' Of all the boys you sent away They haunt this dusty beach road In the skeleton frames of burned out Chevrolets They scream your name at night in the streets I think this is the reason why Mary is sad/ scared. Your graduation gown lies in rags at their feet And in the lonely cool before dawn you hear their engines roaring on But when you get to the porch they're gone Jack rides in a porch. On the wind, so Mary climb in It's a town full of losers And I'm pulling out of here to win
this was my version of thunder road. be sure to check it out, with or without lyrics , on youtube, because it is a pretty song.
you might think: "this girl wasn't even born when that song was written by The Boss!" well, you might be right, I guess. But, As I get older, I discover new songs, and if there was one thing my parents want to teach me, it is a sense of humor and a weird wacky mad addiction to Bruce springsteen. so, I have 15 favorite songs, and, I'm going to discuss them all (ow... juij! :p) because they mean a lot to me.
So here we've got : dancing in the dark.
the songtekst ;I'm sorry, this one will be without translation.... (I don't know why I even mind to write in English, probably because I'm rebel. :p NOT , I just like the language a lot. and so will you.
I get up in the evening and I ain't got nothing to say I come home in the morning I go to bed feeling the same way I ain't nothing but tired Man I'm just tired and bored with myself Hey there baby, I could use just a little help
You can't start a fire I think this is about a love afair, he is desperate . He really wants this girl to love You can't start a fire without a spark him back, he really wants affirmation, confirmation, that he's doing OK. This gun's for hire I love it when a boy is a little shy, I mean, I want a guy, that will / can defend even if we're just dancing in the dark defend me, but still won't be machoman. some one like the person in this song. he checks his look, like I do, you look so long, that you see things, that aren't Message keeps getting clearer really there. The person, (let's call him Jack) so, Jack lives in a 'dump' , he radio's on and I'm moving 'round the place wants to get out of there, as fast as possible. Me to, but I don't live in a dump. I check my look in the mirror Me and Jack would make a perfect couple I think :p I wanna change my clothes, my hair, my face Man I ain't getting nowhere I'm just living in a dump like this There's something happening somewhere baby I just know that there is
You can't start a fire you can't start a fire without a spark This gun's for hire even if we're just dancing in the dark
You sit around getting older there's a joke here somewhere and it's on me I'll shake this world off my shoulders come on baby this laugh's on me
Stay on the streets of this town and they'll be carving you up alright They say you gotta stay hungry hey baby I'm just about starving tonight I'm dying for some action I'm sick of sitting 'round here trying to write this book I need a love reaction come on now baby gimme just one look
You can't start a fire sitting 'round crying over a broken heart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark You can't start a fire worrying about your little world falling apart This gun's for hire Even if we're just dancing in the dark Even if we're just dancing in the dark Even if we're just dancing in the dark Even if we're just dancing in the dark Hey baby
I think the lyrics talk for themselves, It is a wonderfull song, and i'm crazy about it, you should check it out,
in the music video you can see courtney fox (a.k.a 'monica' from 'friends')
my life is at the point where I'm pretty much sure that it can't get any worse. I always was a happy person . Because that's the thing with people, we ALWAYS want to blame something, or even more, someone.
sometimes I have these crappy days, you know what I'm saying? you stumble, you fall, you get up again, you stmuble, you fall, you get up again....
on such days I can't accept that somebody else could be happy, or mad, or natural. accually, you would be pretty suprised if you saw me, in my Overacting-days . wich are about.... 50procent of my days? but, to the subject of this week ...: I blame each person I see on that day, for not hugging me, or for hugging me. thay can't do anything right, neather can I. because,apparently, I'm not the only one with this... let's all it a 'condition' . today was one of my good-days, but, it was like the whole school was having a bad-day. and believe me,they are the majority. so I hade no chance at all, to survive , without getting hurt. or killed.... no, just kidding, I 'only' got hurt, today, and, it was because I realised, that I'm not the centre of the attention, and that that wasn't a big deal. in fact, I wasn't a big deal. an why would I be. ?
today I got blamed for over a million times, how selfish, evil, bad, poor, naughty I was. WAS. I got blamed for everyone's problems. And i wish I could say 'I just don't care....' but I do. why is eveybody so damn unhappy, I hate it. It ruined my day. my happy day so I start wondering, wondering why? and because I ran out of fantasy, and theories, (I see you thinking: thank god, finaly. but you got it wrong there :p) I start asking, 'why are you so sad/unhappy?' and you know what. I was right!
people aren't as bad as we think they are. they're worse.
so, I found out that "M. is a slut, that steals boyfriends, and that I should check out B.'s purse, because she stole something from a cheap store called 'hema' and you know what? S lied to me about not having a boyfriend " I accually said : ow god, why is our life so miserable, I wish I was dying out in the streets, so I could be more happy. (in a sarcastic, mean, irritated way ) because, what the hell is they're problem? they (we) have money, boyfriends, education, shoppingmalls, what else do we really need?
we need someone to blame. for our mistakes, and we wisper ourselves silly little lies, and stupid tails with funny details , and the worst part is : we believe them, we believe that we aren't as wrong as they are. but accually. we're worse.
we want strangers to think we're happy, with our toothpaste-smile, we tell them we're fine. we want our parents to think they did well, raising ous. we tell them we're great. we want the neighbors to be jealous about our life. we tell them we're fantastic. we want our friends to take care of ous in bad times. we tell them we're miserable. we want our enemies to think we survived the day without getting hurt.
we tell them. ... what do you tell them? tell a lie, tell a stupid story with funny details? tell them nothing and run away? tell them 'great, but now a little less great because you're here?' I tell them : I'm okay.
because I stopped blaming them, for making my life not okay.
I've stumbled and fall, but even with grazes I have to move on, even with scars I don't forget to breath. Because, sometimes you found this that heal the grazes. Scars can't heal, but you need to like them, they are a part of you. They make you who you are. I don't speak about grazes and scars outside. I talk about things that are worse. The wounds inside. They give you more tears that those outside. Those tears are sincere. This are things that you really make cry. But don't forget to move on, and search the things that can heal those wounds. That's what life is about, after each setback, you need to climb back out and continue. Maybe you have another setback or maybe you find your happily ever after. But you can never give up or you are a prey of fear, grief and uncertainty.
Come on, you must admit that you almost had to cry at the end? I did. Twice. maybe because I'm becoming one of those softies, you know them, they are the 'weepies' who cry in the cinema at the 'happely ever after' :) well, maybe I'm becoming one of those, or maybe I'm just in love.for the first time. Really in love. I'm sorry for my ex-boyfriends. I think you can't say you're in love . You can't just say you're in love for the very first timpe (I know, I just sayd it myself , well, I just suck.) but, maybe in ten years I'll be laughing with my 'little' feelings . But for now, this is the nicest ting I've ever had. And this song is all about it.
Ofcourse you know about Romeo and Juliet, there forbidden love is an exemple for all of ous. but this song is about much more, it's a fairy-tale. And everybody knows that each little girl wants to be a princess of her own country . maybe I'm still a little girl, because I want that dress .
It is the magic in fairy-tales that makes life miserable. Driving a car is nothing compared to flying with a unicorn. The same in love, the sleeping beauty (Doornroosje) . I just love that story, but, we want our boy to take ous somewhere we can be alone we want the secrets, because they are exciting , we need them to keep the romance up-to-date to keep the adventure in side. So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew and then ofcourse, well, you know me, the escape part wich I love, because it is so real, you have the moment, and at that moment, you just want to pick the people you love (in this case, the person you love) with you, and escape from reality. Escape . Go to your own castle with your own prince, and forget about the rest. Selfish . again. J .
When I heard See the lights, see the party, the ballgowns See you make your way through the crowd And say hello I thought about a ballroom, where theres this thing cold magic in the air. Everybody is dancing, with dresses and champagne, and music. An dthan theres this guy, youre seeing him, thinking hes looking to another girl, and he comes to you and says hello (wich is wath most people say at the beginning of a conversation, so, that means, you have a little chat) afterwards, you dance all evening, and then you have to go. Or am I just telling Cinderella here? Well, maybe, maybe not, we will never know. But one thing is sure: I love proms, and this songs definitely is about a prom. And a prince.
I wanna be a princess. I already told you. But, this time in another way, I dont really care about the castle, its the prince that counts, someone who adores you. Who helps you cooking. we all search someone to grow old with.
Why? Well, no one wants to die alone , do they?
We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes and the flashback starts I'm standing there On a balcony in summer air See the lights, see the party, the ballgowns See you make your way through the crowd And say hello Little did I know
That you were Romeo You were throwing pebbles And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet," And I was crying on the staircase Begging you, "Please don't go" And I said
Romeo, take me Somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting All there's left to do is run You'll be the prince And I'll be the princess It's a love story Baby, just say yes
So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet 'cause we're dead if they knew So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while
'Cause you were Romeo I was a scarlet letter And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet," But you were everything to me I was begging you, "Please don't go," And I said
Romeo, take me Somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting All there's left to do is run You'll be the prince And I'll be the princess It's a love story Baby, just say yes
Romeo, save me They're trying to tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real Don't be afraid We'll make it out of this mess It's a love story Baby, just say yes
I got tired of waiting Wondering if you were ever coming around My faith in you is fading When I met you on the outskirts of town And I said
Romeo, save me I've been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you But you never come Is this in my head? I don't know what to think He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring And said
Marry me, Juliet You'll never have to be alone I love you and that's all I really know I talked to your dad You'll pick out a white dress It's a love story Baby, just say yes
You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done
I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here
Light up, light up As if you have a choice Even if you cannot hear my voice I'll be right beside you dear
To think I might not see those eyes Makes it so hard not to cry And as we say our long goodbyes I nearly do
snow patrol -run quotes, this is a part of the song,
Dearest, hearing this song, I must think about you. light up. It's about supporting each other, and that's what we do in our friendship. Actually , that's what our friendship is all about. every friendship is about 'supporting each other, no matter wath' but, in your life, you wont find more than 5 people who mean that much to you, that you will support them , no matter wath. (I'm not talking about boyfriends or family here , just so we're clear) and, I found you. I'm not letting you go. never. you're my dearest . And you know, that you can support on me, because, at 3 a.m. I'll still listen to your stories about your life . because I never get tired about you. I'll give you advise. I don't know if you ever use it. I don't know if it is useful. I only know that I love helping you. Because I know that you'll do the same for me, when I'm lonely. When I tell everybody I'm fine, (wich sometimes is a lie ) I know I can tell you. I can trust you. And I promise you can trust me. With this 'letter' I'm telling you that you mean the world to mean, if there would be a fire in your house, I would be the 'hero' (waw, me being a hero ) that would save you. With the risc I would die. Because, When some one means the world to you. you don't mind helping them. you don't mind anything at all for them. I would even bring you my coockies, my chocolate ! but about the song, when they say 'I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here'I think about the distance between ous. it was a coincidence that we became friends. best friends. and , you should light up, in the bad times, because you know, I wont be right behind you, I would be beside you.You've been the only thing that's right In all I've done (our fiendship)I will always be beside you. fighting together. When I miss you, I think about'To think I might not see those eyes, Makes it so hard not to cry' because, we almost never see each other. and , indeed,I almost cry when you're gone, saying goodbye on the phone is taking hours with ous. 'And as we say our long goodbyes I nearly do'Because I'll never knwo when I'll know when I'll see/hear you again . I hope it's soon. I really hope so. Light up. Run. run away together. it's tempting, but we have lives here. we , lot and karen, will make it just fine. TOgether. run.
If you like it or not. Theyll find you. You bump your head , or it starts raining the moment you go out in summer clothes. The bus is late and it is snowing so youre angry and you bump your head another time. You have a bad-hairday on the day you have an important date with your boyfriend, you know what I mean. But then , suddently , sun arrives. Or, he tells you youre beautiful, or the bus arrives at the moment you were going to leave.And, your head stops hurting.
Good things happen all the time.
My opinion is that you have a choice. You must create your own luck. Do it with karma, do it with work , do it with a black cat, I dont care. But dont just sit in a corner crying over how bad your life is . Because the choice is yours : or you work on your own luck, and make other people happy with your smile. Or you blame someone else for bringing bad luck to you. Because sometimes people bring bad luck, they yell they scream bed things about you. They gossip. But you cant let them win. Because youre a winner!
Now, all the things I wrote above are about little things. There are some cases when you really have bad luck, and you cant do a damn thing about it. Like : youre moving out of town, or your parents fight, because, like it or not, they mean the world to you. When you were a baby, who gave you food? Who said they still loved you when you broke a very expensive vase? Yes, my point being : your parents.
If something goes wrong, and you cant help it, (you cant fight dead, parent-problems, high-school-fights)then my only advise is : let it go.I know, you must think Im crazy, but its true. Just let go.think about how pretty it was when it was before it went wrong. Look at the bright side. Even if there is nogood thing about it. Try to think about the good things in your life. Thats the 1st step in the right direction.
Go some place where no one will find you: lock in your room, go out for a long walk , train your body (believe me, it helps, sports are wonderful) have a nice shower, or bath. Just be on your own for a while. Have space to think. Clear your head. Because thats the 2nd step in the right direction.
Well, after that, you can talk to the people who will support you, because life is a tough fight, and no one diserves to fight on their own. But be patient with the people you love, their empathie has its limits, sometimes they just cant understand how you feel, so tell them . Tell them. About all the things who are so difficult to be told. And thats the third step.
after these 3 steps, youre ready. Ready for what? You must think. Ready to talk about something else than the lost in your hart. You may have fun. No one will stop you.
If youre not ready, if you still feel bad. Thats normal; everything takes its time.
Listen to these songs, they got me trough my bad times. They still do.
dit is ons lied, ons babytje. Elke keer dat ik het hoor, moet ik bijna wenen. De schoonheid vertedert mij, net als onze vriendschap.
this is our song, our baby. every time I hear it, I must control myself not to cry. the beauty mollifies me, as in our friendship.
you and me--->lifehouse
what day is it and in what month this clock never seemed so alive I can't keep up and I can't back down I've been losing so much time
cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to lose and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
all of the things that I want to say just aren't coming out right I'm tripping inwards you got my head spinning I don't know where to go from here
cause it's you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to prove and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
there's something about you now I can't quite figure out everything she does is beautiful everything she does is right
you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to lose and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
you and me and all of the people with nothing to do nothing to prove and it's you and me and all of the people and I don't know why I can't keep my eyes off of you
what day is it and in what month this clock never seemed so alive
Welke dag is het En in welke maand Deze klok leek nog nooit zo levend Ik kan het niet bijhouden En ik kan ook niet opgeven Ik heb al zoveel tijd verloren
Want het is jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te verliezen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
Al de dingen ie ik wil zeggen Komen er gewoon niet uit Ik trip helemaal van binnen Jij laat mijn hoofd draaien Ik weet niet hoe ik verder moet gaan vanaf hier
Want het is jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te verliezen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
Er is iets speciaal aan jou Ik kan er maar niet achter komen Alles wat ze doet is prachtig Alles wat ze doet is goed
jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te verliezen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
jij en ik en all deze mensen met niks te doen niks te bewijzen En het is jij en ik en all deze mensen En ik weet niet waarom Ik kan mijn ogen niet van jou afhouden
Welke dag is het en in welke maand Deze klok leek nog nooit zo levend
it's a song about Jealousy,personally, I must admit that I'm a bit Jealous myself. I mean, I don't like my boyfriend talking to other girls. you know, that one girl, the competition, and most of the time the other girl (who constantly flirts with your hottie) is a 'fake-pink-perf-hair-bitch' she's fake. she likes pink and all the girly-stuff. Ofcourse she has hair but her hair is always perfect. so she never has bad-hairdays. and ofcourse : she's a bitch, why else would she be flirting with your love? so, now that you know that I'm jealouse, you must admit you're jealouse to? when you think 'uhu, NO!' think again, because, when I would be flirting with whoever you're dating, you would hate me. why? not because we want to pretect our dear loved ones. no, because because you're selfish, I'm selfish , to tell the truth, everyone is a little selfish, we want love, we don't want people to have the pretty things we want. so. why is everybody so jealous?
well, first : they're selfish, second : jealousie is a normal reaction of each human being, we just don't want iur hottie to run away with a 'fake-pink-perf-hair-bitch' you know what I mean?
third: we have a low self-esteem (ene laag zelfbeeld) and, we secretly think our partner would be better off with the bitchy type, who you must admit is a little pretty.
fourth: I want to have what I never got, (like : a doll, it's stupid, you might think, but, really, a lot of people suffer because of that type of jealousy!)
fifth:jealousy from fear of losing something you really love
so here i gave you 6 very good reasons to be jealous. so why wouldn't you? well, because, most of the cases, jealousy is about somebody you truelly love. yes? well, the definition of 'love' (according to a site about love) is:
love is generous and wants the best for the partner
so, when he/she wants to go out, with his/her best friend, let them go, they'll come back . and, aren't relationships build on trust? I know, you'll think I'm crazy, but, after doing some research about jealousy, I promised myself to try to make an effort, not to be jealous anymore . will you?
jealousy caused suspicion and mistrust in a lot of relationships.
It's an intresting subject to wright about. lies. everybody lies. some people lie, without meaning to hurt you, parents lie to their children, when they tell them about hollidays, (you know what I mean) children lie to their parents, when they tell them who did something bad, teachers. lie. grannies. lie. neybours. lie. police officers. lie. men and women . young and old. every one. but why? is it that bad with our society, that everybody has to lie about it? about how beautiful life is? I mean, we know life can be a little crappy, so why don't we just tell each other? why? to pretect? to defend? to attac? because, when you defend yourself, or you tell somebody a lie to pretect them (like, when you cheat on your partner) well, when you do that, you must know that while you're pretecting some one, you're hurting another person! and most of the time it's the same person you're hurting/pretecting! because, even if you just tell a little lie. you must go on.
If you invent a pet, that you don't have, and a friend is coming home, what are you going to do? you're telling them that the pet is ill. thet's a second lie. and, then, you make up a great storie about the vet, and your cat, and a lot of details, (wich is dangerous, because you need to remember that your cat's name is Gerrie )so, let's call him Gerrie, why is he ill? he doesn't eat well. 4th lie. so, in stead of just telling the person you would like a pet, called Gerrie, you invent him. that's lying. and believe me. There is no such thing as Gerrie these reasons are crappy, but, we lie all the time.
so, even if we only have a crapy reason, we think it's enough.
we want to be intresting. we want new friends, so we make up great stories, and tell them we 'also play hockey' (when we actually don't know what it is) we tell them our favorite food is 'pizza hawaï' , when we don't like pineapple, so, that they think, we are fantastic. but after a couple 'friend dates' (when you meet them a couple times) they find out, that you didn't eat you're pizza hawaï , and thatyou didn't knew what your favorite hockeyplayer was. they think it's strange. sometimes they are a little angry about it,
isn't friendship about helping each other? about supporting your friend , no matter what? so instead of lying, just tell them honestly that you hate pineapple, and that you would love to see them play hockey, (only, when that's not a lie )tell them about your hobbies, about photography, tey'll appricate it. and if you tell the truth, and only the truth, it's easier to believe that you're friend really tells you what's true. because, even if he hates photography, and you like it, that doens't mean you can't be friends. and it definitly doesn't mean you or he should lie about it.
so about lying. well, maybe it's our drug. we need it. to make us feel better. so we should stop , while we can.
The clock goes on, everything goes on. But in my head , there's a movie playing. but it stops at the last scene. The last scene only consists of a smokescreen, nothing is clear. We can only wait, wait until the smoke disappears. The clock keeps ticking. It's annoying. Nail biting, don't give the hope up. Because if the hope disappears, there's nothing left. Whatever the clear view may say, after the smoke is gone, you cannot give up. please, never give up.
lot...
smokescreen. I'm waiting. seconds. minutes and hours. days and weeks . months and years. I'm still here. nothing has changed. I'm sick of waiting. I'm dreaming, dreams are swimming in my head. but, they aren't dreams , are they? and while i'm living, my standard life, I'm confused. There is a smokescreen right in front of me. Nothing is clear, people are not the way they are supposed to be. the way I wanted them to be. and in my smokey dreams , people are laughing, they're happy. and I can see smiles. Why? I don't want to see clear. I'm not ready to face reality. not yet. Because I don't want to go out there. not alone. And maybe all the silly excuses I make in my head, are the ones that keep me awake at night? They give my reason , why i shouldn't escape. Maybe it's fine this way. But how can I know? I haven't met any other way...
Let's go out. You and me. Away. Out in the dark. adventure. Let's discover truth. without people telling us smokey lies. Away from the smoke. Let's fly away. forget yesterday. Just get away. Take me home. Love me. Feed me. Give me new hope. Give me new dreams. Fight with me. Let's fight our smokescreen.
enjoy it
reminded me about my biggest dream when I was a little girl (yeah, I know, I was kinda vain) : 
(I don't know why I even mind to write in English, probably because I'm rebel. :p NOT , I just like the language a lot. and so will you.
.
. today was one of my good-days, but, it was like the whole school was having a bad-day. and believe me,they are the majority.
so I start wondering, wondering why? and because I ran out of fantasy, and theories, (I see you thinking: thank god, finaly. but you got it wrong there :p) I start asking, 'why are you so sad/unhappy?' and you know what.
" 
I think you can't say you're in love . You can't just say you're in love for the very first timpe (I know, I just sayd it myself , well, I just suck.) but, maybe in ten years I'll be laughing with my 'little' feelings . But for now, this is the nicest ting I've ever had. And this song is all about it. 
) that would save you. With the risc I would die. Because, When some one means the world to you. you don't mind helping them. you don't mind anything at all for them. I would even bring you my coockies, my chocolate ! but about the song, when they say 'I know we'll make it anywhere Away from here'I think about the distance between ous. it was a coincidence that we became friends. best friends. and , you should light up, in the bad times, because you know, I wont be right behind you, I would be beside you.You've been the only thing that's right
these reasons are crappy, but, we lie all the time. 
