My phone rang at 2 a.m. I answered. It was Mia, Pauls sister. Mia, whats going on. What is so important that you have to call me at Its Paul, Susan, she said quietly. She sounded exhausted and in a way vulnerable. She continued The drugs, he has taken an overdose Silence. I didnt know what to say or even think. I was utterly numb. After hanging up, I put my clothes on very quickly, jumped in the car and hurried to the hospital. When I arrived, there were some people sitting in the waiting room, including his parents, Mia and his friends. They all stared at me with big, frightening eyes. Can I see him? I said softly. My throat was sore. Hes in there, Mia squeaked, pointing at the door. Hes waiting for you. I entered. As soon as I saw him there, lying down with all those tubules and vials, I felt like a knife stabbed me right through the heart. I slowly approached, kneeled down and took his pale, almost lifeless hand in mine, lightly squeezing it. Its alright to die, I whispered. It would be a torture, but not an unbearable one. Ive been through this once. I could lose you a second time. I was shocked. What did I say? Did I really mean it? Then I understood: it just couldnt break my heart because it was already broken. I thought about Paul who couldnt resist the temptation of being free. I thought about his parents, whod caused this contrary effect, although they didnt mean it that way. And then, in a sudden, Pauls eyes went open. A weak smile appeared on his pale face, as he said: I envy you, Susan. I envy you strong personality, your capacity to keep going. Youll find a good man. Im sorry I couldnt be that man for you. I bit my lip, trying not to cry. I noticed how his grip weakened and his hands began to feel cold. I forgive you, I said, while closing his eyelids. And after a very last kiss on his forehead, I left him. Forever.
As I was watching a fairly interesting documentary about Jesus, I
noticed that my phone had rung three times. I put the documentary on hold and glanced
at the little screen; It was an unknown number. A lot of question marks filled
my head. Who would call me right now? Moreover, I just couldnt understand how the
person even got my number? My curiosity took over and I called the number back.
Instantly a girl answered the phone. She said her name was Susan At first, I didnt
realize who she was, but as soon as she started to tell her story, I was amazed:
she was the girl who had a really bad influence on our son! I immediately wanted
to put the phone down, but something in her voice, kept me from doing so. It
is about your son, madam she said. I pricked up my ears. What was going on? She
took a deep breath and continued: Paul is addicted to drugs and it becomes
worse. I am so sorry, madam. I shouldve told you earlier. I just didnt have
the courage to do it. And that was the moment where you could hear a pin drop.
My son addicted to drugs? Thats impossible! She went on: His friend, Brian, gave
him the pills the first time. But of course, he yearned for more. He became
more and more addicted to that stuff.
After Susans phone call, I thought long and hard about it. Where did it
go wrong? Paul once told us that he had stolen some candy in a shop with
somebody named Brian. So maybe it wasnt Susan that had a bad influence on Paul,
but it was that Brian. Even when they were both two little guys there was
already something off about Brian. I felt so sorry because Ive never noticed
that he influenced Paul in a bad way and I feel even more sorry for Susan because I
and my husband have blamed her for every little thing that had gone wrong.
It was ten to midnight. Susan had just given me some beers and two little shots of vodka. The alcohol was burning in my chest, but my head felt as light as a feather. Suddenly I saw a guy approaching me. Because of the alcohol, it costed me a few seconds to realize that this was Brian, an old friend with whom I used to steal candy from the Kruidvat shop. Obviously this had been many years ago, even before I got locked up by home-schooling. Paul, he grinned, good to see you! You escaped from the imprisonment? Well, I laughed, actually my parents arent allowed anymore to keep me in their chains. Right then I realized how sick I felt, and that I was barely able to stand on my two feet. Well Paul, good for you! You know, I have something for you, something delicious, no, something heavenly. Youll like it for sure! In his hand palm were two LSD-pills. I dont take drugs, I said firmly. But Brian insisted on it. This is the world, Paul, this is freedom! Come on, you arent mommys darling anymore! Taste what freedoms about! He had a point. Right now, my parents couldnt forbid me. Right now, I could do whatever I wanted. In a flash, I swallowed the pills. Brian was right. It felt awesome.
He ran away from home. This girl, Susan, her influence on
Paul is even worse than we had anticipated previously. He went to live with
her. He isnt even in university for a month and he is already gone. We had
expected for him to grow up, become a decent human being. Not to rebel against
us even more. And this he does all for a despicable girl he thought he was in
love with when he was a kid. And that is three years ago! We have always done
everything we could for him. He only got the very best from us. And we did
everything we could to keep him away from these kinds of things. Where did we
go wrong? Where did he go wrong? We cant make him come back. He is eighteen,
so according to the law he is an adult now, so he can do what he wants. But he
will come back eventually, he must come back. This is just a phase, wherein he
thinks he knows better than us, his parents. When he realizes he was wrong he
will come back home. He will leave that girl and he will have learnt his
lesson. Of course we will give him home arrest until hes 30 but at least we
will welcome him back home. After all he has done to us he should be more than
happy with that!
It was a
rainy day; the sky was grey and filled with large, dark clouds. Teardrops were
tapping on my window. Meanwhile, I was writing a historical paper about the
French Revolution which I had to hand in next week. Suddenly the bell rang.
Unwillingly, I stood up and opened the door. And thats where I was completely
caught off guard. Out of the blue, he stood there. Like nothing had happened. Please,
Susan. Can I come in? He said monotonously. Raindrops or were it teardrops?
were rolling down his cheeks. Both his hair and clothes were soaked. Of
course I whispered confused while letting him in. I just couldnt say more.
Many thoughts crossed my mind. What is he doing here? How many times have I tried to contact him while
it stayed quiet on the other side? I know his parents arent in their right
mind, but Paul could have done something at least. It always seemed like he let
it all pass by, like it meant nothing. I hated him therefore. I told him to
follow me and to take place in my living room. As he sat down, a long awkward
silence came about. Then he broke the silence and a flow of words came out of
his mouth. He didnt stop talking for half an hour. When he finished, silence
returned and I could only bring out the letter o. I needed time to let it all
sink in and clear my mind. Finally I said So now you can do everything you
want? Not really, he answered, but now they cant control me anymore.
And they sure cant prohibit me from loving you. You still want to be with
me, I murmured, not very sure whether it was a question or a statement. I
want nothing more he said timidly. And thats when I fell in love with him
for the second time. We talked a lot that evening, as though we had to catch up
all the conversations over the last three years. Finally, it was time for him
to go, as he stood up, he invited me to the party of our student community,
which was next Saturday.
Ive always wanted my son to become a strong, responsible
man. A determined young guy, able to consider the world from a critical point
of view. My wife Lily- and I have the same values thats why we got married
in the first place. Not because I was in love with her lets be honest, she
isnt that attractive, but because I immediately felt that she would be a great
mother for her children. The first decade of Pauls life did go as planned: his
education, which we had strictly prepared in advance, seemed to work out. But
it all changed when Paul went to middle school. We noticed that he got on with
the wrong people, but we didnt have any evidence that could confirm our
suspicion. We could never get a word out of him; he was as silent as the grave.
We felt that we had to take measures and thats what we did. We couldnt
accuse our son of being a criminal, so we hired a spy who promised to keep an
eye on Paul during one week. He was persecuted everywhere at any time, from the
moment he set off for school to when he got home again. But what the spy told
us at the end of week was worse than wed expected. It was a disaster. I
remembered how my wife turned pale while hearing that Paul secretly snatched
candy from the Kruidvat shop. The beginning of a life full of misery and
criminality, she said desperately. My wife and I decided to take precautions:
by the next week, Paul didnt go to school anymore. We taught him ourselves.
That seemed to work out as well, regardless of the fact that he showed some
resistance in the beginning because we had taken him away from, what he called
his social life. As the months passed by, Pauls indignity seemed to be
fading away, which was a huge relief for Lily and I. Finally, we could breathe
again. Still we were a bit anxious of what could happen once our son turned
eighteen. Then hed be grown-up and independent, no longer abiding under his
parents protecting wings. We knew that he would claim his freedom and that we
couldnt do anything but watch him go away. And thats exactly what happened
last month. Paul has left his parental house forever.
I had been noticing some changes in his behavior, lately it had become very remarkable. For a while I thought that maybe it was because he was testing us and our strict rules. That he didnt understand that we did it just for his own good. To protect him from all the bad influences and distractions in this poisoned world. But when he started to be more unruly I knew something more was up. Especially when he suddenly started to go to the library every evening. One night he came home after 9 pm. While the library closes at 7 pm. I did what we shouldve done sooner: give him home arrest for a month and took his phone away. I looked through it and found out what had been the cause of his behavior. There were lots and lots of messages from and to a girl named Susan. She must have been the reason for his behavior. She caused our son to be distracted, to not focus on his homework as much as he used to formerly. And she was the reason why he always left the house. She had a bad influence on him. I and my husband talked to him about her and made clear that he couldnt be with her, with any girl for that matter. He was way too young to have such things on his mind and we couldnt allow that. We needed to protect our son. Of course he was mad about this and he still is. But back then he didnt know what was good for him, were hoping that he will learn to become the decent grown man that we have always raised him to be in university.
Its been
three years since the day I fell in love for the very first time. Just the
awareness hit me like a sharp iron knife going straight through my heart. I was
scared to tell her I knew that she still wasnt over her ex and that she just
wanted to be friends- but I couldnt make up a fairytale anymore. I loved her.
And after two months of constantly talking, I thought Ive waited long enough.
At first, she was laughing at me and didnt believe me at all, although I was
very serious. To my great astonishment, she admitted the feelings were mutual,
and bam, love was in the air. But things didnt continue very rosy. My parents
threw us apart, as soon as they discovered the relationship. I havent spoken
to her since that remarkable, crucial day. I wasnt allowed to do so. A couple
of years ago, my parents decided to keep me away from what they called a
terrible world by teaching me at home: the memorable home-schooling, which I
fiercely hated. The first time I went to a real school was nearly 3 weeks ago,
when I started university. Im studying psychology, the only section Ive
always been interested in. My parents though wanted me to become a scientist, a
doctor, a genius. Ive never really cared about what they wanted for me. Maybe
cause Ive always rejected their opinion anyhow. Im done with that. Next week,
Im leaving home forever. Im going to move into my lovers student apartment.
I hope shell be OK with that. That shell still love me as much as she did
three years ago. Lets keep our fingers crossed