I've got the house, I'm signing tomorrow,

and you burst back into my life after months of silence

after telling me the magic's gone

after convincing me your feelings for me no longer exist

the day I stop hurting

you're there

You're never there when I'm in pain

when I need you

I go through my battles alone

When the fighting's all but over

you're there, and you're not alone

seems to be my fate

alone when I most need people around

and as soon as the smoke clears......

Is it a sign I'm not supposed to enjoy myself?

Seems like someone's watching me,

as soon as I'm on the mend

it's there to present to me a new battle

don't make me fight again

don't make me go through this again

There will be a day I don't survive

Please please don't hurt me

promise it'll be different

if this is my life

getting beat down time after time after time

I'm so incredibly scared

not of the destination

but of the journey

there's no growth not even through pain

when the pain won't reside.

only hoping that someone outbids me maybe???

defying gravity as I go

solitary creature

no flock or herd of flight can hold me

and yet my heart aches to find a nesting ground

as the volcano bird drawn to the most hazardous place to make it's home

I'll defy the ash clouds on my way

spending the first half of my life up in the air

my feet not touching the ground

and when they'll do

the danger'll lurk behind every corner

the struggle has only just begun

no calls no mails no texts no communication what so ever

can't really blame you but it hurts

how come I'm so forgettable?

the fault is probably me, not you

I'm always the one missing hurting and getting thrown away

guess that's what I am

garbage

thrown out every single time

but it hurts

to be nothing

to be no one

and still not to die

it's racing in my veins too

it connected me to your fate

and allowed me to read your mind

this terrible connection is draining me

killing me inside

that's why I need you to be happy

and not think of me

'cause every thought of longing in your mind

drags me back to you

everything you need

my heart immediately grants you

you're killing me and you don't even know it

by feeding me your essence and me denying you mine

you'll hollow me out and I'll never be free

until you release me, or until I die trying to cut myself free

kill me you fucking bastard

there's no fate worse than this

you created my hell on earth

or the arrows of carnations the fire shoots off

I love you as certain dark things are to be loved

in secret, between the shadow and the soul

I love you as the plant that never blooms

but carries in itself the lifht of hidden flowers

thanks to your love a certain solid fragrance

risen from earth, lives darkly in my body

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where

I love you straightforwardly, without complexities or pride

so I love you because I know no other way

than this.  Where I does not exist, nor you,

so close that your hand on my chest is my hand

so close that your eyes close as I fall asleep

Pablo Neruba

we had just split in two

you were looking at me

I was looking at you

you had a way so familiar

but I could not recognize

'cause you had blood on your face

I had blood in my eyes

but I could swear by your expression

that the pain down in your soul

was the same as the one down in mine

that's the pain

cuts a straight line down through the heart

we called it love

I can hear every breath you take

I can see your soul smiling

I know every heart you break

Do you remember the smile on our mother's face when we told her we wanted to become a princess?

Do you remember our dreams?  However inconsistent, however impossible to achieve all dreams at the same time, they were there.

We craved the normal life, we craved for success and fame, we wanted to make fortunes, and we wanted to be taken care of by a millionaire.

We wanted to be pretty, we wanted to be agile and strong, we wanted to be feminine, we wanted to be boys.  We wanted to be everything, everything that seemed fun and enjoyable.  Caring, loving, loved by the world, famous, worshipped, adored, and above all, not alone.  We wanted the world to see how perfect we could be.

We're nothing of that sorts.  We're lonely, disappointed in life and lost hope and direction. We're ugly, stupid, old and disgusting.

Our world is collapsing in on itself.

That's why, we need to talk.

We need to decide this time.

Once and for all.

Do we run away and leave it all behind

or do we fight, change our world and learn to live together?

As long is we keep blaming each other, we're never going to get out of this.

despising life as I know it

hating kindness for it holds no thrill

scared of excitement for it defies truth

ever lonely ever hurting

doubting the universe I4m in

how did I get so damaged

fucked up and desperate

why can't it end?

why can't I be vicious hateful and egotistic?

why don't I take advantage of others as thy do of me?

So empty, tired of giving and not being able to hold out my hand to receive

I don't want to be always all alone

I don't want to be alone

I don't want to be