I know, very early or late to post a blog but couldn't sleep so...
A couple of days ago I had a sort of revelation, but before I tell you what it is, let me tell you something about me and my life!
My parents got divorced when I was 3 and frankly I don't really remember too much of my childhood!
But what I do remember is that my dad wasn't really around and my mom did everything she could to give us everything we wanted.
And with 3 young children, you can understand how hard that can be! She worked long hours, at points even 2 jobs etc.
But no matter what, she was always their for us! My mom is an amazing woman and I still don't understand how she did it all!
Now, we all lived with are mom and we all grew up knowing she was struggling and knowing that our dad was more than capable of helping her but just wouldn't! I can't tell you why that is! It could be pride, jealousy or just plane stupidity but I guess he just wasn't cut out to be a father!
I learned that holding a grudge isn't going to solve anything so I'm not gonna tell you that I hate my father or have daddy issues, because the fact is I just don't know him!
Anyway, about 5 years ago my sister, after many teenage drama fights with my mom, decided to go live with our father and broke off all connections to us as her family!
It took me a long time to understand why and how she could do this to my mother! The person who raised her, who sacrificed everything so she could have what other kids had and loved her unconditionally!
I figured it was for the money, but see here is where my revelation comes in: I do still believe that she did it for the money but I believe she did it because it was the easy way out.
See, getting my dads money meant that she didn't have to work to pay for her college education like I have to! It meant that she could have anything she wanted with the snap of her fingers! Of course she had to clean up her act but she got what she had always wanted but could never get when living with my mom! She got to live the easy life on the fab lane!
What I'm trying to say is that I now get why she did what she did or at least I think I do! I guess she just wasn't as strong as me and my brother! She isn't strong enough to work hard to get what she wants, so she went with the easy way!
And why she doesn't want to talk to the rest of her family anymore? I guess she doesn't want to be reminded of the fact that we are stronger, she doesn't want to see our faces and feel the shame and guilt that comes with what she did, but mostly I think she doesn't want to see that even without the money we still managed to be happy and get what we want in life!
And I do feel sorry for her! I wish she would just try to be stronger!
In the end, I'm not saying that I will ever forgive or forget the things she said or what she made my mom go through.
But if she ever decided to come back, I wouldn't stop her! Not because she is my sister, since she said it herself I wasn't that to her anymore, but because it would make my mom happy! And after everything she has done for me, that is the least I can do for her!
So the moral of the story here is to not judge the actions of other people, before you learn their reasons!
Many of us make mistakes and half of the time we learn from them, but for the other half...we wish to forget them, to never admit that we even made the mistake!
And we can't tell other people what mistakes to (not) make, but we can tell them our mistakes, our lessons and our point of view!
It's not about judging but about understanding and maybe even helping!
I'm not a saint and like I said: although I think I understand why she did what she did, doesn't mean I'm going to forgive and forget, but I'm also not going to hate her for it because life is already sort enough!
So don't waist time hating, but fill life with positive things!
I gave a necklace, that meant a lot to me, to my friend today, so that she could give the other half to her boyfriend, since I have no use for it.
But she doesn't want him to wear it because apparently it's "gay"! Was I wrong to give it? I have no use for it and I know she appreciates it and will take good care of it, but the whole meaning of it is that they both wear it! =(
There are things in live I can not control and I know that but how do you know when decisions you make are the right ones? Do you just trust that it was right? Is it wrong to question the things you do or say in live?
Or should you just forget about it and only remember the reasons you made the choice you made? Cause if we over think things we might regret the stuff we do in our lives. And if you truly made a mistake then isn't the point to learn from it and make sure you don't make the same mistake again?
Live is like a rollercoaster and there might be moments were you just want to get of, but then you remember the funny photo that comes at the end, the crazy face you make because you are scared!
I believe that is what live is about, remembering that no matter how scary things may seem their is always something or someone that will make you laugh and forget the scary part!
Live life well and to the fullest, and don't think about mistakes or regrets! Think about the experiences, the laughter and the ....!
They say that love is but a word and that it is it's underlying meaning and feeling witch makes it the strongest emotion a human being can feel.
But how can you know when to take a chance and see were it takes you? Love is unpredictable, so should we go against our nature and follow our hearts or should we follow reason and maybe miss that chance of finding love?
Love is the greatest feeling in the world but it also comes with pain! In books their have been many great loves that came with destruction and despair, such as Romeo and Juliet or Tristan and Isolde, but in the end is love worth having but a few great moments just to end in death?
Love also brings joy to so many of us. It's is what we need to survive as a species for without it we would kill one and other.
It is love that triggers guilt and feeds sorrow!
And once you have found that great love and, no matter how great it can be, it fills you with pain. Should you leave and risk never feel love ever again or should you stay and balance out the bad with the good?
In life their is no perfect equation, their is no balance! In science, economics, etc.. the only way to get something to work perfectly is to balance it out but that is not possible when it comes to love or life! You cannot predict where life will take you and you cannot control everything on your way to get their! There are things in life that are greater then us humans, wetter we choose to believe it or not!
We think we know almost everything about our world and we may even be able to save what is left of it, but who has said that it was our world to save or destroy to begin with? We may have evolved more than most of the other species on this planet but does that give us the right to control what happens to it?
I am not the kind of person who is going to try to "save the planet" because I do not believe in it's defeat!
This planet has been here for far longer than we have and in itself it is a living creature that has been able to survive for much longer than the human race will ever be able to! But maybe that is exactly the point! As humans we have our fair share of flawz and maybe we do come back after death, maybe the whole purpose of life is to learn from these flawz until we are able to except them rather then to try to get rid of them!
Or maybe we all just got screwed in to living a life that no matter what you do or what you discover has to end, because everything that has a beginning has and end, right?
I may not know a lot of answers to a lot of questions but the one thing I do know is that love will make things bearable!
It is the one reason mankind is still here, because it is the one thing we all keep fighting for!
It's been a while since I posted something and I am truly sorry about that!
Today has been a very busy day and I was just wondering about the world we live in today!
We all know life isn't fair and that we, humans, have screwed up the world, but what does our life here on earth actually mean?
See some of us believe in heaven and that our life here on earth is a way of proving to God that we are worthy of going to heaven.
Others say that our life is meaningless and that we just have to make the most out of every moment we have alive or make sure people
remember that we have lived on this earth!
Others say that you will always be remembered in the hearts of your loved ones, etc!
Well, I'm sorry to break the bubble people, but all of these theories mean that everything we do in life is bullshit!
We study our asses off to get a degree and earn a lot of money, but what are you going to do with that money when your dead?
Give it to your children to provide for them when you are gone? Then why did you put in the effort of razing them? Isn't the whole point of razing your kids, teaching them how to provide for themselfs and survive in this world?
Ok, so lets say you didn't go to college but worked your ass off to be able to live a decent life! Well, that sucks for you then, goes your life wasn't great and you only had one chance!
Other senario, you don't work at all and just enjoy life! Ha, you just pissed off a lot of people by living off of there money and you die alone!
No matter what you do in life nothing will matter and nothing will make a difference!
You won't be remembered forever and if you are then good for you, but frankly who cares?
See, I don't like being the pessimist, but reality check: LIFE IS A BITCH!
So stop telling yourself that what you do with your life is import, cause it's not!
You can die at any moment of every day and nothing will matter anymore!
The only thing that will make your life worth something, is when you were smart enough to share it with others!
Family, friends, loved ones and children, those are your true legacies and that is what you will remember the day you die!
That is what is import in life and makes the world a place worth living!
Hey world, How are you doing? I know it's been a long time since I've posted a blog but I'm in my finals so I don't really have a lot of time on my hands. Anyway, tomorrow I have my first final and I'm really hoping I nail it! It's like this: nail it = more vacation time! So wouldn't you wan't to nail it too? =D I'm not really sure why but lately I haven't really known what to blog about anymore. Maybe it's because I've been stuck in my dormroom for the last month or so! So I ask you: what do you want me to blog about? Tell me a subject and I will honestly tell you what I think of it! Till then: Have fun and to all other students out there: Good luck! xoxo
Hey world, I'm in a bit of a pickle today! See I've always thought that when you meet someone you ask them out on a date, get to know them, start flirting and then maybe start a relationship, but these days apparently asking somebody to go see a movie is equal to 'hey, I'm in love with you!'. Why is it that men have the tendency to jump to conclusions and don't really make the effort to get to know a girl? And when did asking someone on a proper date become equal to sitting in a pub drinking a beer while staring at other women passing by? I mean I have seen my fair share of ridiculiously desperate girls but has the world dramatically changed that it is now the women who or the hunters and the men who'm are the prey? When did gentlemen dissapear and cavemen reappear? Why is it that men are scared of just simply being friends with a girl? Are men frightend that they might be the ones to fall in love and get there hearts broken or is there just a common rule among men that sais dating is wrong and out of date? Is it all up to the women now to make a move and sway? Have guys turned into girls and vice verca? Maybe it is just me or maybe things really have changed! I'm not saying that your supposed to fall maddly in love at 16, get married at 18 and have your first child at 19, cause you do still have to see the world and learn differnt types of love but why is it that falling in love seems to become harder? Is it because women have scared men away for to long now and so they have stopt trying? Maybe I'm just the only girl who wonders about these things and maybe I'm the one who scares men away and thus ends up alone. (not that I really care that much =p) But tell me this: How many of you out there, are happily in love? To those who are: Congrats! I'm honestly happy for you! To those who aren't: Don't give up hope just yet! Who knows, maybe after reading this blog your mister/misses right comes knocking on your door! xoxo
Goodevening world or should I say goodnight? I'm a bit restless today! Don't really know why, but it seems sleeping isn't on my agenda today! So what is it a person does when he can't sleep? (instead of herasing people with there blogs =P) Does that warm cup of milk still do the trick or has everything been solved by the simple gesture of swollowing a pil? What happend do the old technics? Were did all the herbs go and when did this revolution of pills begin? I understand that some pills are necesarry, it would be pretty hypocritical of me to say otherwise considering I do take my share of pills! But the pills I take are subscribed by a doctor and I'm not going to tell him how to do his job! =D But is medicin so evolved that we have forgotten the effectiveness of a simple warm cup of milk? Have drugs taken over from good old wisdom? I guess it has and it's a shame! Our grandparents may bore us with there stories of the old days and yet there lies so much wisdom underneed those same stories! Maybe it is not that we do not care but that we are to proud to admitt that our parents and grandparents still know best! Has it ever occured to you that the only time you argue with you folks is when you believe you are right? But are you? Parents, teachers,... They are all supposed to know best, so then why is it that we don't always agree with this? Is it because we are to proud or just to blindsided to realise it! I wonder: How many of you like admitting something because they've realised they where wrong? Nobody, hu! But on the other hand, there isn't anything wrong with a good fight every once and a while! =) I'm going to try and get some sleep! Although I hope you have more succes then I've had up and till now! Goodnight! xoxo
Hey world, I know: no blog yesterday or the day before! It was a pretty buzy weekend but today was a very productive day! Got two chapters done, went to the store and much more stuff like that! In one of the chapters that I learned today was said that the world we see through our eyes isn't always the wright way and that our friends and family might even see a completly different world! So my question is: How do you see the world? Do you see all the good and kindness of the world or do you see a stuffy, messed-up world? According to some psycholigests, the way we see the world is determent by the enviremont we grow up in. Others say it's genetics and we learn it when we're born. The right way is a combination of both factors! But how do we know for sure that a tomato is red? Is the way we see the world even remotly correct? Or do we just get to see a glimps of how beautifull life actually is? The older our kind gets the more we discover of the world and yet so many questions still remain unanswered, but did it ever accur to you that maybe, just maybe there are no answers? Or maby we aren't supposed to know them? I've wondered what the meaning of life is! Cause eventually we all die and unless you're some kind of genies or a veteran no one will remember you in 100 years. So is our mane purpose just reproduction? Or is there a destiny that awaits us all? Like a said, big questions and no answers! So why worry about them? If there isn't an answer then maybe there isn't even a question! xoxo
