Questions and concerns Deze blog is gestart om me te helpen met de vele vragen die ik heb. De vele dingen waar ik mee zit. Om zo mijn leven wat meer kleur te geven ;-)
Ik ben nog niet zo thuis in het hele blog gebeuren dus veel spectaculairs zal er hier nog niet te zien zijn :-P
Maar met de tijd leer ik wel bij en zal ik proberen deze blog wat aangenamer te maken ;-)
15-12-2007
Yesterday
Pfff, I tried to write off my frustration yesterday, but when my story was done, I pushed the wrong button and yes...you can already guess...everything gone So, I'll try again..
The day started great yesterday..Last day at work for the rest of the year (what matters for the rest ) I had my end-of-the-year evaluation with my boss. It was GREAT!! He's very satisfied with my work and even suggested if I would appreciate some work with more responsibility (smells like promotion ) He even suggested another office (lets say mine now is horrible!) So...OF COURSE!! We're gonna think about different possibilities and make decisions in January...What a way to start your vacation!
Well, when I went to look at the progress in our new home (some minor things had to be done. Call it the 'finishing touch') Phioew...I almost had a hart attack!! There was an enormous pool of water in the room where the heating is placed. It came dripping from the ceiling, nicely down the lighting!!! Called the owner...he was gonna send someone right a way to fix it.. Pff, what you can call fix it..you can't convince me that water didn't do any damage Today we went back and everything is fixed indeed. We talked about that damage and he agreed that we would never be held responsible for any future exposures of that damage. I'm curious..
So, with some delay...we can finaly start cleaning up the place and move in.. Everything is looking good so we can start dreaming of a Christmas atmosphere
The porn-issue is well out of our way and we finaly 'celebrated' that last night. Need I draw a picture? I'll leave it to your imagination
For the first time in 32 years I have the feeling that porn is no longer taboo for me And that happened in just 2 days!! Yesterday we had a very long and good conversation about everything that was on our minds. Miraculously, he had to admit that he would also be very hurt and feel very insecure if he'd find out I would have the need to look at naked man on +16 sites So, we both came to an understanding that there's nothing wrong with porn and we can both do with it what we want, but also being open about it. So no more taboo but experience it together! Hmmmm...this story might get a tail
So now a less hot item...baby's! That was another item on our discussion list. After realizing that there is a lot of love left between us, we both still feel the need to bless that love with a wonder of our own. As that is not so uncomplicated for us as it is for most couples , we decided to go through with the infertility program. We still have 5 tries left and we'll go for it...all the way!
Maybe, just maybe I found that inner peace I needed so much these last days, months, years,... I've asked myself millions of questions, I had many concerns....I had some answers and they helped me a bit. Maybe... Maybe I don't have that complete sence of serenity, deep inner peace with the issue so difficult for me to talk about. But maybe I can find it and do something with it. I hope so... The most imortant reason for this change of feeling is a blog I discovered last week. Intrigueing, passionate, mysterious in some ways, but most important...overloaded by love. Call it faith, call it coincidence, struck by chance, but this story, this blog was exactly what I needed to hear in my life. This person has, without knowing it, saved my inner soul. His story made me understand the difference between two people, and how they can survive by the force of love. He made me see that I can really accept the difference between my man and me. And how I can find peace in the things that are so difficult for me to understand. And for that I wish to thank him deeply, sincerely...Thank you!!
I have no idea what's happening to my life. These ups and downs are not bearable anymore. I'm going under Everything was looking so good with the moving to our new house...
All I want is respect for each other. And trust! And for now all that is gone. I have no idea how we can solve this. He thinks he didn't do anything wrong and that every man does this. But I find that very hard to believe