Questions and concerns Deze blog is gestart om me te helpen met de vele vragen die ik heb. De vele dingen waar ik mee zit. Om zo mijn leven wat meer kleur te geven ;-)
Ik ben nog niet zo thuis in het hele blog gebeuren dus veel spectaculairs zal er hier nog niet te zien zijn :-P
Maar met de tijd leer ik wel bij en zal ik proberen deze blog wat aangenamer te maken ;-)
12-12-2007
Inner Peace...maybe
Maybe, just maybe I found that inner peace I needed so much these last days, months, years,... I've asked myself millions of questions, I had many concerns....I had some answers and they helped me a bit. Maybe... Maybe I don't have that complete sence of serenity, deep inner peace with the issue so difficult for me to talk about. But maybe I can find it and do something with it. I hope so... The most imortant reason for this change of feeling is a blog I discovered last week. Intrigueing, passionate, mysterious in some ways, but most important...overloaded by love. Call it faith, call it coincidence, struck by chance, but this story, this blog was exactly what I needed to hear in my life. This person has, without knowing it, saved my inner soul. His story made me understand the difference between two people, and how they can survive by the force of love. He made me see that I can really accept the difference between my man and me. And how I can find peace in the things that are so difficult for me to understand. And for that I wish to thank him deeply, sincerely...Thank you!!
I have no idea what's happening to my life. These ups and downs are not bearable anymore. I'm going under Everything was looking so good with the moving to our new house...
All I want is respect for each other. And trust! And for now all that is gone. I have no idea how we can solve this. He thinks he didn't do anything wrong and that every man does this. But I find that very hard to believe
Why is life so complicated? The first icsi cycle was no succes. It was very hard for me but I have the feeling that my boyfriend doesn't really care. He says we have enough tries... Wel yeah....but isn't it normal that you're hoping it will work in as less tries as possible I think I couldn't handle so many dissapointments
Now we have to make another appointment in the hospital but he doesn't even ask about it. Doesn't he want to know if I'm ready for another try? Doesn't he want another try? I'm getting the impression that a child is no longer a wish of him Well, I'm not gonna ask anymore. Let's see when he starts the topic...
We're gonna move to the new house the 22nd of december. I'm looking forward to it. I hope it will improve our relationship. There's more space to be on your own from time to time. No more fungus everywhere, a bathroom where it doesn't rain in, a nice bath to relax very often and most important....FRESH AIR!!
Everything is still going great! Today we can finally sign the contract for our new house. I can't wait to move in. I know I'm gonna be very happy there. We can move in on December 15th.....only 3 weeks to go!! Hopefully the house is definitely sold by the end of the year so we don't have to pay double rent. Only the thought of celebrating Christmas and New year in our new house gives me the tears in my eyes
I went for my first echo two days ago but it was too early yet. Tomorrow is the next echo and hopefully I know more then. I really like to move on now. It would be so great to give my parents good news for their Christmas
I had a course of Time Management with a good colleague of mine yesterday. It was so instructive! I learned some good lessons for life too. I'm really glad I went I hope I can bring some good tips into practice soon
Friday after work, I drove around to see if there were any houses for rent in the neighbourhood... There was one...a renovated farm... It was for rent or for sale. We both don't like the idea of renting something that could be sold while we live in it, I didn't pay much attention to it. I did tell my boyfriend but we never thought much of it.
The next morning we drove by the house... Now we saw that it were 2 houses. They were clearly still working hard on the renovation. We walked around and took a look inside. It looked very very nice so we wrote down the phone number so we could call for information. Suddenly the owner stopted...and we could take a look inside the 2 houses
So, he was going to rent one, and sell the other one....and we could choose!!! One house was a big favourite. So we were gonna think about it and let him know... We talked and dreamed about it all evening. We were both immediately in love
The next day we decided to wait no langer and called the owner again. We went back to the house for another look and decided to take it! We're gonna rent so we can take all the time we need to look for our own dreamhouse.
This house is completely renovated, has 3 large bedrooms, a nice bathroom, big, comfortable livingroom, a nice kitchen and a very nice garden.
We can move in at NewYear. By then our new buyer can move in and we can move out. We also have vacation between Christmas and NewYear so all the time to move
I can't stop dreaming of it. Finally I can start dreaming of my baby's room too (now we only have to wait for a baby to come )
Yesss!! The house is sold! The buyer is gonna sign the contract this evening. Now we can start looking fo a new place to live!
Period began this morning so I can finally call the hospital for further apointments Hopefully at the end of this month pregnant! This baby can never say it's not wanted
Something tells me this is gonna be a good weekend for a change
Selling a house...what a joy! I was so happy when the girl who wanted to buy our house told me this morning she had the money and wanted to buy it. YES! I was so happy. But now my parents think we sell it too cheap, the real estate agent says we sell it too cheap,... he said we should wait for a higher bid. But will there be a higher bid? What if this is the highest bid we will ever get? This buyer is not gonna wait forever! GRRR What am I supposed to do now
I've been discussing it now for hours and hours! My head hurts! I suddenly feel like a sigaret! ME! Me, who wanted to quit! Who made a fight with my boyfriend for smoking!
Hope some good new will come our way soon. We need it
Good news!! Yesterday my boyfriend told me he was gonna smoke his last sigarets today! I hope this time he will persevere.. He has no idea how happy he'd make me...
So now we wait for my monthly to come so we can make the next appointment in the clinic... but I'm already 4 days late Yesterday the thought struck me: "Could I really be pregnant??" But I did a test today and it was negative So, we wait....and wait.....
The girl who was so very interesting in buying our house was gonna think about our offer and let me know this morning.... It's noon already...still didn't here from here Don't know what's wrong because she's been kinda stalking us all thru the weekend Hope to hear good news from here soon... I'm up to some good news
In this diary I will try to write down my daily feelings. A lot is going on in my life at the moment and I really feel the need to write things down...
So here's a welcome to me to this new diary of mine (first time on blog )
This past month has been emotionally explosive but maybe, just maybe, the light is shining at the end of my dark tunnel. The fights with my boyfriend, our endless discussions on futilities and all the blame that has been laid on each other might possibily be cleared out. It was so rediculous: I love him, he loves me, but still the endless fights. It made me so tired.
We've got a house to sell, another house the find, a wedding on the way (for wich nothing has been arranged yet! ), and we're in the middle of an IVF procedure. This all is taking so much of our energy that sometimes we forget that we're just trying to build up a nice future together (what's supposed to be a romantic event )
So after the bomb exploded, we decided to take a step back and enjoy each other again
So much for the good news. taking in mind that very soon, a baby might be on it's way, I definitely wanted to quit smoking. That was the easiest dicision I had to make in years! But unfortunately my boyfriend has a lot of difficulties leaving the smokes for the past Problem is: I CAN'T TAKE THE SMELL ANYMORE!! How on earth am I going to convince him? He tried stopping just for me, but forget it! The constant blame for making him quit made me NUTS! So he's back to smoking, and so have I for a week. Yesterday was my last one I'm gonna make this effort, lets just hope he will someday do the same
I feel so bad, so lost. Why? Is there something wrong with me? He sais he can find everything he needs with me. But why then porn?? For me that is absolutely not acceptable in a good, healthy relationship. Only teens do this, or frustrated old men who can't find a wife do this. But not any normal, happy man with a good relationship with a woman they love so much?? 
and most important....FRESH AIR!! 
to come so we can make the next appointment in the clinic... but I'm already 4 days late 
