61 days left

That's it

61 days and I'm home, finally I'm home!

Bought my tickets this weekend

I'm starting to realise it's real

It's so real

Living on clouds, that's how I feel like right now

I got so many presents and so many things I want to do

The time I'm there will never be long enough

Every second without her is one lost

One I'll never get back

But every second with her could never be lost

Because she's never gonna be a waste of time

She's litterally EVERYTHING anyone would ever want

But don't get too excited she's mine

She will always be!

She makes me wonder if God exists

A long time ago I gave up on believing someone looks over us,

Because of all that happens, you really start to wonder ... 

Don't get me wrong, I do believe there's something out there.

I just don't know if it's a person, or an almighty something ...

I don't know what exactly it is I believe in ...

If people start asking questions and really want an answer,

I just reply with "it kind of has something to do with fate."

But it isn't just fate.

In times I just feel like giving up.

Like everything goes wrong.

People don't care.

You know, people are fucked up creatures who don't give shit about people like me.

I kinda see myself as someone who knows, someone who knows how this world is built.

The reason why this text is so split qua emotions, is because I wrote it at two different times.

The first half a day after I heard her, the other one doubting if she cares.

When your girl says she loves you,

you beter believe it.

Trust is the most basic necessity in a relationship,

If you can't rely on your partner, your relationship is dead from the start.

In this world, surviving isn't an easy thing.

If you want to survive, if you want to feel alive, you have to be real.

This world is cruel and vile and basically every damn bad thing there could be,

but it's your task to make YOUR world count!

Because every single damn day, you are caught in your own little vicious world.

No escaping, no running.

It's just you and your surroundings.

I would say make it count ...

Search for that one person. Search for THAT person that makes that vile and cruel world, a place of hapiness.

But most of all give them what they deserve.

My girl deserves litterally about everything. 

She is my world, she is my rocking place.

And I love her more than anything.

Baby, I know it's hard but WE ARE GONNA MAKE IT FO SHO!

I break ... I just break 

Most people don't understand how much she means to me

Well to clearify that for as far that's possible 

Everybody has a heart

Most people know what loving someone feels like

Imagine that your heart represents your loved one

That's what she is ... 

She is my soul

My mind

My heart

Now imagine that heart being ripped out ... leaving you with nothing but a hole full of tears

Once your tears run out ... What then?

You have nothing left

There's only emptiness

I don't wanna lose my heart

I don't wanna lose her

I love her just so much

I'm breaking completely without her voice, without her ...

One word ....

A word, so powerfull to one person, and so meaningless to another

A word filled with more emotions than a patient who suffers from an emotional disorder.

The beating of her heart ...

The look in her eyes ....

The smile that hides every emotion inside of her ...

It all comes down to only what i can see, only what i can feel ...

The urge to be with her every single second ...

The need to hear her voice ...

The longing to feel her skin ... 

The obsession to kiss her again ...

We've been lasting for more than 5 months now. Still we haven't seen eachother in real life ... But for me it feels like we have.

She's more real to me than my parents, than the people I see everyday. 

I dream about her as if she is God. 

Sometimes it only makes me feel bad, because I feel empty, because I'm so lost without her ...

My everyday-life only becomes harder missing her more every second.

But that's the struggle ... Every second is harder, but every second passing is a second closer to seeing her. 

Knowing that I will see her eventually keeps me holding on. But it's not strong enough to keep me alive.

The only thing strong enough to keep me going is hearing her.

One second without her is fine, 

One minute without her is okay,

One hour without her is a burdan,

One day without her is heavy,

Multiple days without her kill me 

Imagine longer ... 

I find it really hard, but the waiting gets rewarded by the most beautiful smile you ever saw ...

She is what makes life worth living 

That was her definitive answer ... Although she was overwelmed, which gave me such a good feeling, she now was with me.

That moment was, for me, one of the most important ones of my life. 

After that glorious moment we started to dazzle back down, because we now realized how hard it would be for both of us. 

As a couple living 3335 kilometres away from eachother, it means fighting. Not only for eachother but also for yourself.

You know, not only, have to live for yourself and the other, but you also have to live the time apart.

Which I can tell you, hurts ...

We are both barely adults and we already have to face so much of reality.

The life we lived apart was hard, we each had our fair share of problems ... Well problems ... Life difficulties ... It was extremely hard to survive.

Now we found eachother.

I'm really happy we did, if it wasn't for her i'd probably had done some things that couldn't be undone.

I truely love her.

 

A while ago, about 5 or 6 six months, it all started to change. One day I was scrolling over some facebookpages, untill I saw this amazing photograph of a lesbian couple. As a manifested habit of mine, I check out the wall of this page: "Girl On Girl: A Documentary Film". 

I really liked it's character. It represented an amazing point of view.

So, willing to get more updates from that page, I clicked on the "LIKE"- button.

As soon as I hit that but, I got a new friendrequest.

Curious as all people are, I looked at the profile of this girl. First thing to really hit me, was her profilepicture.

I saw it and I was stunned ... It was like something hit me and I JUST KNEW I HAD to learn to know her.

Ofcourse I accepted her friendrequest and she immediatly started chatting with me.

To me, it felt like she was very precautious and had some low selfesteem, because she asked me if I had problem with her being Iranian.

"Ofcourse not," I said, "Why would I?"

She responded that she already had some trouble with other people in the past.

From that day on we started chatting almost every night.

I had this feeling of 'love at first sight'. (Although we've never really seen eachother yet)

A week later I just couldn't hold myself anymore and I asked her if she wanted to be mine ...

She was kind of overwelmed and asked me to ask again.

So I did.