Hi Bill,

I promised you I was going to sort things out, and guess what? I did. Well, I made a start anyway. So, that is good.

You know what? I feel kind of good today. It was decision time and I’ve made a decision. And now I feel good about it even it is a bad decision, darling. You know, I was all wound up about being like regular and good. Even made a few phone-calls to people that know some people that could help me fit in the normal kind of world. But then I asked a question and the answer was correct. Someone told me I could never fit in anymore because I have been too bad. So now I need to be punished and I sent myself back to where I was. There’s no escape, Bill, not for emotional hooligans like myself. Who was I kidding anyway?

So, how are you doing, Bill? Have you had any more brilliant ideas I should know about? You do know I will admire you, just like old times. I guess old times are back, now. I have lived too much and too hard to just go back.

Should I say sorry to all those I’ve wounded on my way through this urban jungle? I guess not … They deserved it. They had it coming like I had it coming once.

And I guess I have it coming now. And I guess I’ll take it like I took it once before. You will bruise my body. You will tie me up and put me down. Once more, I’ll be yours alone.

See you on Friday, Bill …

Uma?

Hello Bill,

Yet again, another lost weekend. I was here and you were there and we were not together, not in any way. It’s these drugs, Bill, and you know it. I know it. I feel more alone with you, now that I’m with you. But hey, you know I’m not the girl that misses much. Nothing much at all. And whatever I could miss, I try to forget about it. I don’t keep photographs or memories. I loose whatever I’ve been given. My body does not remember what you feel like, or taste like or how it was when you touched me with your hands. My lips are ignorant of who you are, ready to kiss whoever will take your place to kiss me and hold me and fuck me. We all get screwed in the end, Bill, don’t we?

So maybe this is the end. Maybe it isn’t, who can tell? Maybe you’re just getting old and age is getting to you. Just kidding, Bill, just kidding …

Anyway, I have to get back on track. Sort some things out, or just decide to ignore them. Look, I know you think you have me and in a way you do. But in so many ways you don’t. I don’t even know if you care. It’s no big deal anyway. It doesn’t matter if you care or not, because even this game will be boring me after a while. You know me. I probably just needed someone to talk to, or maybe not even that. Just someone who would sit with me for a while and listen to what I’ve got to say.

Let’s just follow the sun and the moon. You know I never look back. What’s the point? I’ve known loneliness all my life and I’ve learned to live with it. Loneliness is nothing. I just don’t want to remember how it is and was or could be; feeling close to you …

So, Bill, over and out?

Uma.