Hi Bill,

Do I scare you? I know I do. I just don’t understand why. It is probably the way I handle things. Like everything I ever do is a matter of life and dead. Should I be sorry about that? I guess so. But I am not. Lately, I’ve been wondering about what’s wrong with me. Am I a disease, do I need to be cured? But if I do scare you, please don’t stick around. Just don’t because I will scare you even more.

It is so hot that even the tab-water has lost its coolness. Maybe it is just the heat driving everybody away from me. Everybody’s leaving town, they’re fleeing the city like Lot and his wife. Running away from Sodom and Gomorra and don’t you look back!

Enough now of that sentimental shit, not making any sense. If I could, I would apologize for being intense. Hey baby, we’re cool. Cool cats. We don’t mind, nothing is a big deal. But I still don’t get it, I guess. You’re the one in the first place that made me into this killer woman. So why are you backing off now? Is it because you know I could bring you down in an instant? A split second, so to speak. It must mean you don’t trust yourself if you can’t trust me on this. Just because I could, doesn’t mean I would. Would you? Darling, would you?

I take it you just did. Even though I’ve been such a good girl lately. And especially for you. I even felt like a good girl, really. And I did things nice people do. Like they think about other people too and you just know how they feel. At sometimes the right words come out then, so you can even tell them that it’s not so bad. It’s not so bad. They start understanding. See how their life could change. Fear steps in and they’re lost. Fear is the killer, Bill. Did you not tell me that? Fear is the killer.

Will you call tomorrow? Is it something I said? Why can’t I be like other people? Reality slips through my fingers, I have no grip whatsoever. How can I hold on?

Bye Bill,

Uma