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    Just thougths.
    How's the world today?
    22-05-2006
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.The Discomfort of Lovesickness
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    1. Insomnia.
    2. Loss of concentration.
    3. Headaches.
    4. Moodswings.
    5. Irritated skin.
    6. Loss of apetite, the feeling that all food tastes the same.
    7. Increased use of alcohol.
    8. Increased use of Class A and Class B illegal substances.
    9. Melancholy.
    10. Feelings of depression.
    11. Anxiety attacks.
    12. Tearfulness.
    13. Obsessive thoughts.
    14. Loss of interest for everyday activities, such as work.
    15. Loss of interest for friends and family.
    16. Passive behaviour.
    17. Increased consumption of tobacco.
    18. Pain in the chest area.
    19. Jealousy.
    20. Minor attacks of rheumatism.

    22-05-2006 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    12-04-2006
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Bill - Uma (Back).
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    Dear Uma,


    So nice to see you crawling back to me. A little later than I predicted you would, but still... You knew it too, didn't you sweetheart?

    Who likes people like you, Uma, with a heart like an open wound? Who likes people like you, with a lot to give and you present it so nicely and in the end is all rubbish? Who likes people like you, Uma, so gullible and out of this world. So fragile and strange. So delicate and breakable. People don't like you, Uma. They may find you attractive for a while.

    But in the end, there's only me. Ain't that sad but true, Uma?

    So welcome back.


    Bill


    12-04-2006 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    10-04-2006
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Bill - Uma (Sooner).
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen Hi Bill,


    I know it's been a while and that I should've replied you sooner. I should've come back sooner. I should've known sooner. I should've seen the writing on the wall sooner. But you know me: I always wait untill it is too late. I don't think about the clock (tick-tock) untill it strikes twelve. Remember Cinderella? She forgot about the time as well (she should've been back sooner).

    So, what's the deal, Bill? Anything new? Anything old? What is it that I should know? What is it that I should feel? What is it that I should do?

    Fill me in, Bill and let us try to be like we were in the old days (not to be confused with the good days, because I don't seem to remember those).


    Uma

    10-04-2006 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    20-02-2006
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Bill - Uma (About Time).
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen Uma,


    Isn't it about time you stopped being a silly, stupid little girl now? Let me tell you, you're way past that age now where acting like a little girl is a turn-on.

    Isn't it about time you came back to where you belong? You should know by now that talk is cheap and Prada shoes expensive.
    Isn't it about time we started painting the town red again and pretended that we're happy and having fun? I'll take you away to some white beach and blue skies, you'll be wearing something I bought and you'll forget all about this sad country.

    Isn't it about time you started doing as you are told? We both know, you'll end up doing so eventually.


    Bill.

    20-02-2006 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    17-01-2006
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Fantasy.
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    She pictures perfect weddings. She invents time like other people invent stories. She dreams of how it would be if they woke up together, in the same house, the same room, the same bed. Close and calm. At ease and with a whole day stretching out in front of them.

    17-01-2006 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    16-01-2006
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Love and Human Remains
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    How true can love be and why do we hang on to it? Do you know the torture of uncertainty and how does one survive the constant craving? Knowing and not knowing at the same time, an answer clear as the sun on the horizon.Suddenly clouds appear and al clarity is gone, vanishes just like the ground beneath her feet.

    Was it something I said, he asks. I don't know, she says. Was it?

    She saw a flash of lightning and then was blinded by it. Now she stumbles through the dark and someone took her hand, guiding her after he told her: Trust me.

    16-01-2006 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    06-12-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.What do you mean?
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    She's thinking "what do you mean?" while he's talking to her. The answers to his questions are the ones he so much likes to hear. Meanwhile, she's thinking "what do you mean?". She's supposed to be glad that he wants her and that he promises her the world, later, later, some day. He says: You'll hang on, don't you? So she agrees, while she's thinking: "what do you mean?". He doesn't know that his words are raining down upon her like razorblades. He doesn't know that she wakes up at night sometimes with a pain in her chest and a chill in her bones. He doesn't know that tears wash away her make-up nowadays and that her pillows are stained because of that. And she doesn't let him notice, afraid that he will question her faith in him or her or them, again. She knows that one day he will be tired of the useless fights she puts up. Just one more time, she thinks: "What do you mean? " but she already knows the answer to this one.

    06-12-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    25-11-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Snow
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen She watches snow fall down. She watches days go by. Everything is like wonder, everything seems new, these days. The cold is like a brandnew sensation, it is frisky and exciting. Life is frisky and exciting, and every day is bliss.
    The end of the world is not the end of the world. It is another world, almost dimension.

    25-11-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    06-11-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Autopsy.
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    Her chest was opened, so they could examine what had happened, all of a sudden. And they dug deep into her body, just to find that where her heart should be (and a particularly small organ it was, according to the coroner's report) nothing more than a bloody mass was found, like someone stabbed it over and over again. However, there were no entry wounds and the coroner said he had never seen a case like it. Never had he read about it in his study books. Never had he seen photographs on the internet. He is 31 years old. He smokes too much, but only when he's drinking. His wife loves him, but he doesn't know what to do with her love anymore. Somehow it started to annoy him, he felt like she wanted too much of him. He has developed a habit of working late and often. He visits bars and sleazy motels for cheap sex and carefully takes a shower afterwards. He comes across a lot of dirt, during office hours and later. He knows that it stains him, the pretty boy from the suburbs. But he always comes back for more. He thinks of himself as a pig, rolling in the mud and faecies. Recently, he met a friendly whore with a heart too big for this world. Now she's laying on his table with her eyes dead. Her pale skin bruised, her hands and ankles tied. The sight of it almost makes him cry, but he doesn't.

    06-11-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    05-11-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.The Catcher in the Rye
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    Given a body meet a body
    Coming through the rye
    Given a body kiss a body -
    Need a body cry?

    Given a soul meet a soul
    Coming through the sky
    Given a soul embrace a soul -
    Need a soul fly?

    05-11-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    04-11-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Hunger
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    It is only when the night surrounds her and the house is hollow that she feels alone. She walks the stairs from the attic to the cellar to catch up with the strange presence she suspects to find, somewhere, someone. A door closes, suddenly and she's startled. In the livingroom the silence is made of led. Television starts sound and motion, albeit limited. A walk to the kitchen, a stare in the fridge. Old cheese and milk gone sour. Wrinkled vegetables.

    How long can hunger last before it eats you?

    04-11-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    16-10-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.No Chance
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    She doesn't stand a chance and boy, does she know it. She's read about this stuff in books and overheared people talking about it. She never thought it would happen to her. She knows where it's all leading to. She can foresee the end even from a far out distance. It's not that she's stupid. It's not that she's smart, either.

    She doesn't know what to do or how to live her life. She doesn't stand a chance if someone else takes over. She doesn't stand a chance if people lift her up and then drop her.
    She doesn't stand a chance ...

    16-10-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    15-10-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Running on Empty.
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen
    She's running on empty and she knows it. Her fuel has always been a strange collision of nitro and glycerine that she's used to keep people away from her. But in the end she wants what everybody wants: a place to call home and someone to wake up with. And now her past is starting to keep up with her.

    She's running on empty and she knows it. It's not so much that she's depressed or lonely, oh no. It's just the strange coincidences that keep happening and signaling their mixed signals. It's the food she orders and does not touch. It's the phone ringing and she doesn't pick up. It's the letters that she does not bother to open. It's the bills that she somehow doesn't pay. It's the insurance that she doesn't want to take. It's the feeling that says 'why bother?'.

    She's running on empty and she knows it. She doesn't have a clue wether or not someone is willing to rescue her and at what cost. She has always paid the price, because she knew that somehow that was the deal. She has a habit of sticking to deals she's made. She's made a lot of bad deals. She's paid all dues there are to pay. She's done that to pay for her own way. She has a feeling that all of that may just not have been enough.
    She's running on empty and she knows it.

    15-10-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    13-10-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Drinks
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen

    They had drinks in two different cafés. She had white wine to start with, then switched to cocktails. Limited time available, so the crap was cut short. She thought he was wearing very nice shoes. She likes shoes, if you didn't know that. She always says: you can wake me up anytime for three things ... for sex, for cinema and for shoes. But that's just boasting, once she's gone to sleep she doesn't like to be woken up, at all.

    So back to the drinks. She likes the guy. She even likes him a lot. And she knows he likes her. He even likes her a lot. But there’s always something, he said. There’s always just one thing. So they just meet up once in while, to have drinks. Maybe dinner next week. She’ll see. He’ll see. Maybe he’ll go on holiday. Chase the sun and escape this boring country with its boring people.

    They talk about women. His women. How to hurt them, how to hold them, how to have them. She admits she doesn’t know the first thing about men. She doesn’t know when to give in or when to give up. She doesn’t know when to say no or when to say yes. He says it’s because she likes to keep things simple. And that she should stay that way. By that time she’s tipsy and they need to say good-bye. So they say good-bye and kiss each other very politely. Maybe dinner next week?

    13-10-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    07-10-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Sometimes
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen I am tired and I am alone, sometimes.
    I drink too much sometimes.
    I do stupid things, sometimes and other times.
    I love too easily, sometimes.
    I break and hurt too easily, sometimes.
    I like people too much, sometimes.
    I am a little girl, sometimes.
    I am a grown woman, sometimes.
    I am hard and I am soft, sometimes.
    I am weak and I am strong, sometimes.
    I am right and I am wrong, sometimes.

    I miss you, most of the times.

    07-10-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    30-09-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.It's not like
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen It’s not like I’m crying all the way.
    It’s not like I’m saying I’m ok.
    It’s not like you’re not going to break my heart.
    It’s not like I didn’t ask you to.
    It’s not like I haven’t been warned before.
    It’s not like I’m not strong.
    It’s not like I’m not wrong.
    It’s not like I’ve not been walking with the Devil all along.
    It’s not like I don’t know what’s going on.
    It’s not like I haven’t tried before.
    It’s not like I don’t always want more.
    It’s not like I haven’t been here before.
    It’s not like things haven’t long been said and done before.
    It’s not like I didn’t know.
    It’s not like I wouldn’t pay my way.
    It’s not like you don’t have to go.

    30-09-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    25-08-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Bill - Uma (Not Anymore).
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen

    Hi Bill,

    Eventually life just goes on. You do things, talk to people, go some places. In my case: I do the wrong things, talk to the wrong people and definitely go the wrong places. Nothing new under the same old sun, I suppose.

    This evening, it hit me. All of sudden. Just out of the blue. I guess you catch my drift, don’t you, Bill? I didn’t think of you this evening. I never wondered where you were or who with. What were you doing and were you all-right? All these questions did not cross my mind, until now … I kind of like that.

    You know what I mean, Bill, so don’t get upset. You never missed me like I missed you. Until tonight I wanted you to, but not anymore Bill. To me, that sounds like good news. Not to love you anymore, not to hate you anymore, not to miss you anymore … Not to wait anymore, by the phone or for you to want me. Not anymore, Bill. Like I could be free and really be the one I am.

    I don’t think I’ll dream, Bill, not of you. Not anymore …

    No more good-byes Bill, not anymore!

    UMA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    25-08-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    16-08-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Bill - Uma (Linger).
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen

    Hi Bill,

    It was nice of you to worry about me, but really, you shouldn’t have. I’m fine. You know I’m fine. You must’ve known all along that I’d be fine in the end. I always am. Get back up and on my feet again. Ok, Bill, maybe I cried a little, maybe I died a little … So now I can love you less and less. In our case, that’s good news Bill, isn’t it?

    But if you just want to kiss me Bill, that’s ok. We’ll just have good times and sometimes kiss. I’ll sip your fine whisky and we’ll compliment each other on how good-looking we both are. If you want, we’ll watch a sunset from a top roof over some foreign city. The sunsets seem to be real famous over there. I’ve read about it, Bill.

    Do you have a plan, Bill? Have you checked and double-checked everything? Locked your feelings in some basement? Your eyes are so bright, like they know no sorrow… But did you have to? Did you have to? Did you have to let it linger? You know I’m such a fool for love.

    It’s ok Bill, really. Just had a bad couple of days. Drank a lot and smoked a lot. Ate just a little. Didn’t sleep that much. It’s such a cliché Bill, don’t you see that? God, I hate clichés. Let alone be part of one.

    Bye Bill,

    Uma!

    16-08-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Bill - Uma (This Day).
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen

    Hi Bill,

    What should I do with this day, Bill? A man is standing on top of a mountain and is asking himself: should I jump? In the end he doesn’t. Maybe I should eat something. My body is craving. Nothing but coffee and cigarettes these days. And alcohol. Nothing a good drink can’t fix, I suppose.

    I am so tired of these useless things that I do. But I do like the hunger. To know that I am stronger than my hunger. I like these drugs that keep me thin. I don’t have to use a knife again, or scissors or that razor blade to feel myself anymore. You know like in: you bleed just to feel you’re alive. But I am past all that now. I mean, I don’t even use all those secret places anymore. You know, the ones no-one ever sees, except if they’re your lover.

    I hope I can sleep tonight. I hope tomorrow never comes. And if it does, I want the sun to shine and the birds to sing. I want the air hot and full of promises, like summer. I want to drive my car, far away from here. An endless road, I need to find. You held me today. For the very fucking first time, you held me. And you held me close. Is this what it takes, Bill? For me to be close to you, I need to be far away? I need to distance you, push you away and feel bad about it?

    If there’s one thing to remember, Bill, remember this: I do not look back, ever. You know I walk a rocky path on the loom of the land. I walk it once, and never back again.

    Bye Bill,

    Uma

    16-08-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot


    10-08-2005
    Klik hier om een link te hebben waarmee u dit artikel later terug kunt lezen.Bill - Uma (Thinking).
    Klik op de afbeelding om de link te volgen

    Hi Bill,

    I’ve been doing some thinking. I know, it’s not something a pretty girl like me should be doing. But sometimes I just can’t help myself, you should know that by now. And I’ve finally figured out what is that you want from me. And it isn’t much, is it?

    You just want me to wait for you. You just want to have me in your mind. You just want to call me when you’re feeling sad. You just want to call me to tell me how well you’re doing. You just want me to tell you that you’re good and clean and handsome. And you are all of those things.

    Didn’t I tell you I would get you back on your feet, point you in the right direction and off you’d go? I will not even ask what’s in it for me. I’ll just take whatever should be mine. I’ve been having bad dreams lately. I wake up with the strange feeling that the world is finally coming to an end and then I just go to work or whatever it is that I do to earn myself a living.

    Look, I know I probably shouldn’t be saying all this stuff to you. Or write them down so I could know what it is that I am feeling. I am sorry that I scare you. I am sorry to be me. I am sorry that I can not take no for answer. I am sorry for wanting to take care of you. I am so very sorry for wanting you at all. But I am taking care of business…

    This stuff must be boring the shit out of you, I am aware of that. But you know that saying goodbye is not what I do best. I’ll just shoot you in the head instead….

    Just kidding Bill …

    Bye for now.

    Uma?

    10-08-2005 om 00:00 geschreven door LaReineMargot




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